ORDINARY COURAGE - THE COURAGE TO SPEAK OPENLY AND HONESTLY ABOUT WHO WE ARE

Ordinary Courage - a great phrase and one that is used often by Brene Brown. How would you define ordinary courage? If you had it, how would it impact your life?

Brene Brown defines ordinary courage as the willingness to speak honestly and openly about who we are. It is allowing yourself to be vulnerable and open about both your successes and your failures. She has been doing research for years on the topic of shame and how practicing ordinary courage is one of the antidotes to allowing shame to minimze who we are.

Shame is believing there is something inherintely wrong or deficient about us. This is different from guilt which is what we feel when we do something that is inconsistent with who we want to be. Guilt can motivate us to change our behaviour whereas shame results in us hiding who we are for fear of the judgement of others. In her book " I Thought It Was Just Me (but it wasn't)", Brene talks about how to increase our resilience to shame. Shame is a universal experience and one that can bring great pain to our lives if we allow it to fester and take root in our heart and our soul.

The biggest antidote to shame is empathy. Empathy is the quality we look for in our friends and family that allows us to feel heard. Brene Brown offers these four qualities as the ones well developed in people who successfully offer empathy to the people in their life. Take a few minutes and notice who in your life offers this experience of safety for you.

Empathetic people:
1. Are able to see the world as others see it. They are able to let go of their own beliefs, perspectives, and judgements long enough to be open and curious about the other person's feelings and point of view.

2. Are nonjudgmental about the stories and experiences of others. They listen with their heart and make every effort to be open to what is being shared with them without criticism or passing judgment.

3. Are able to understand another person's feelings. They are able to hear what is being said and also what is unspoken and conveyed by body language. They are able to reflect back to the other person the emotions they are noticing to check in to see if they are correct. They do not need to fix the problem or offer solutions but are able to simply honour the other person's experience.

4. Communicate their understanding to the other person. They actively listen to the other person and give them their full attention. They may share a short personal experience that is similar in order to convey that they truly understand. Even if they have no personal experience with the issue being presented, they are still able to offer a listening ear, a kind and accepting heart, and a willingness to offer their time and their support. As Wendy Harphum writes, they respond by saying "I hear you and I am here".

Only when we are offered warm, accepting empathy from people who are willing to invest in our relationship, can be find ways to navigate through our feelings of shame. It is by cultivating safe and nourishing relationships where we can be vulnerable and open about our feelings and experiences that we can reconnect to the ordinary courage that we have. We are then able to safely share who we are, what we want, and celebrate both our successes and failures as simply being part of the journey of being human. We are loved and accepted for who we are and no longer need to pretend to be something else in order to be loved, accepted, and heard.

To read more about ordinary courage, check out Brene Brown's website at http://www.ordinarycourage.com/ She also has a number of wonderful short talks on shame, vulnerabilty, ordinary courage and other topics on You tube and also on Ted Talks.

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HOW DO YOU BREAK A BAD HABIT - JUST STOP IT!!

This video link I have included here is absolutely hilarious and so true that it makes all the times I have struggled with change seem ridiculous. I am involved in a business program that addresses the power of our intentions. What we intend to do is what we do. We usually try to convince ourselves that we are "intending" to do something else but, if you want to know what you really want, notice what you are doing. Sound simple. It actually is.

If you want to change what you are doing, change the power of your intention. If you want to change your child's diet successfully, you must be highly motivated to do it and then put the structures in place to support your decision. Figure out why you want to do it then increase your motivation so it is 10 times greater so that you can't wait to tackle the problem. You then must design a fail safe plan to make it work. Take time to ensure that this plan has included steps for unexpected emergencies and even a plan for when you want to bail on your plan.

Rather than view change with such a serious energy, try lightening up on the topic. Focus on what you really want and then design the most exciting and fun based way to get it. If you are stuck, ask your kids. They are masters of fun and don't even have to think about it.

Watch this video which has had thousands of hits on YouTube. Clearly, I am not the only person who stumbles with change when I really just need to "STOP IT!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LhQGzeiYS_Q

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CHRISTMAS: THE SEASON OF WAITING

The snow that was falling over the last few days was a reminder that Christmas is on the way. As our little grandsons returned from a holiday in the sun with anticipation of playing in the snow the next morning, their waiting was disappointed as it was all gone when they woke up.

For me, Christmas is a season of waiting but a reminder, as well, to enjoy the little moments. In the Christian tradition, tomorrow is the beginning of Advent which is the time of excitement and anticipation of the birth of Jesus. For many little children it is the anticipation Christmas morning and belief that Santa will slide down their chimney and leave something special for them. For many others, the waiting is simply for the holiday to be over. Their loneliness, sense of isolation or inability to provide even a small gift for their child because of their difficult financial circumstances makes the season one of sadness rather than joy.

Other people have lost loved ones this past year and will be struggling through their grief as they find a way to cope with the empty chair that now sits around their Christmas dinner table. They, too, often long for the season to be over.

Waiting can be a difficult thing to do. We hope for something wonderful yet sometimes are disappointed. For me, this is the reason for faith. It is faith that helps me trust that something new and wonderful can come from even the most challenging circumstances. It is faith that allows me to trust that even though there are many things I can't understand in the moment, there will be brighter days ahead. It is faith that life is unfolding as it should that allows me to embrace the joyful moments in my life rather than always be in a state of waiting for something different than what I have.

As I wait for Christmas, wait for the shopping to be done, wait for our son to return from overseas to join our Christmas table, wait to see whether a publisher will agree to take on my book, and wait for the safe arrival of our next little grandchild, I am committed to being thankful for the moments I have. My faith seems to have grown stronger as I have aged and it seems a little easier to trust that my life has purpose and that it is only my job to listen. I don't have to wait for the big things in life to arrive but can find the hope, peace, joy and love of Christmas in the every day moments of the year.

As I was searching the internet for another topic I came across this most beautiful advent video. It is one of the most beautiful videos for Christmas that I have ever seen so I share the link for you to enjoy, as well. May the waiting in your life be peaceful and may you always find the faith and trust you need to know that there will always be something wonderful on the other side.

The link for the video is below. The website for the other beautiful videos prepared by this woman is http://msainfo.org


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HwPI1U5bNI0

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AN AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL WEBSITE TO ENJOY!

This website is the most beautiful and inspiring one I have ever seen! The link to one of Andie's movies was sent to me this morning and it led me to explore where it came from. The movies on this website offer inspiring messages of faith on a multitude of topics. Whether it is a movie for a precious, forever friend or one to help you cope with the sadness of death, there are many to enjoy. When you need to be uplifted, encouraged, or are looking for a way to share your gratitude with someone you love, take time to scroll through this website - you might just find the perfect one. Enjoy! The link is www.andiesisle.com

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WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE?

Take a few minutes to watch this lovely video. What do you believe about the beauty of this planet? What do you teach your children? Do you take time in your day to enjoy the wonders around you or are you rushing so fast you barely notice. Today is Remembrance Day and there are so many people who are not here to enjoy the beauty this world has to offer so take a few minutes to remember them and their families and to enjoy the gift of life that you have.

The link is http://www.andiesisle.com/creation/magnificent.html

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BLISSFUL REST IN THE MIDST OF A BUSY LIFE

This beautiful picture was taken by Linda Wilson, a friend of mine, and it captures perfectly for me the sense of peace and calm I am seeking as I go off on another silent retreat this weekend.

This time last year was my first retreat and the entire experience was new. I had no idea what I would find in the silence and wondered if I could even be quiet for 3 full days without going crazy. What I discovered at that retreat has transformed my life. I now sit quietly in contemplation for 20 minutes every day. It connects me to myself, to my soul, and to God. It allows me to find a depth of rest I have never experienced before and I can feel the physical longing of my body as the weekend gets closer.

The busy pace of my life and the pressing deadlines of my book are already beginning to fade in importance and I am ready to simply sit. It is a gift I intend to offer myself every year and is a wonderful invitation to rest in the midst of a very busy and fulfilling life.

I hope that you, too, find ways to simply sit and allow yourself time to notice those deep inner messages that are trying to find their way to the surface awareness of your mind and heart.

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THANKSGIVING - WHAT ARE YOU GRATEFUL FOR?

Thanksgiving always brings memories for me of years of turkey dinners with little children at my feet. For many years I have been the one cooking the turkey dinner for our family and I love the atmosphere the day creates at home. As our children have grown they have begun to create more and more of the food but the menu rarely changes. The old standbys of squash and apple bake, multiple pumpkin pies to address the various dietary needs, delicious potatoes mashed with dairy free/ gluten free butter and rice milk, and stuffing made with rice instead of bread crumbs. For over 25 years this has been the recipe for our festive dinners and everyone loves it. As new members have been added to our family they have graciously come to love these traditional dishes, as well. Yes, our menu has a few changes from the traditional ones but it doesn't matter one bit. We have found ways to embrace what we need and have made it work in a fun and joyful way. We are living proof that it is possible to change your diet and still have fabulous food and a wonderful time.

This year as I watched our grown children create amazing food that adjusted to everyone's needs so no one felt excluded or different, I smiled a particularly proud smile. Our daughter made a special dessert that was perfect for my diet and I was the beneficiary of the care of our grown family. Our son and daughter in law made the veggies and cranberry and our grandsons even designed the table center for me. They did much of the work as I was out of town and loved every minute of it. They appeared in the afternoon with dishes and ingredients in hand and had a wonderful afternoon creating together. I was given the best job of all, however, - to play with our two little grandsons. Alex loved Thanksgiving and was so excited about the polka dot birthday cake he and his mom had made for his Auntie Jodie and Gabriel shrieked with delight as he took his first few steps on his own.

I love Thanksgiving for so many reasons. It is the weekend our now 24 year old daughter was born and I remember the day as if it was yesterday. The food is delicious and it is usually the first time since the summer that most of us are able to gather together for a meal. As happens with most families, however, we often miss someone and this year our son Steve is working in Bolivia until Christmas. We missed his laughter and ability to eat an entire pumpkin pie on his own but he called from across the world to say hi to us all. We are so proud of what he is doing.

As I said grace on Sunday I felt most blessed. The family that Ken and I have nourished for over 32 years was sitting around our table laughing and celebrating together. The experience of watching them share stories, encourage each other and play with the two little boys who loved having an audience made both Ken and I so very thankful. While we have had some adversity in our 35 years of marriage as we have raised this family we have weathered the storms and celebrated the successes and now feel simply blessed by it all.

What am I most thankful for? Hmmm It is difficult to put into words. I think it is just for the experience of living and thriving through it all. It hasn't always been easy nor has it always been difficult. Life is about the ups and downs and all those "regular" moments in between. One of the things I am learning to do more at this stage of my life is to be more mindful of the moments. I am more aware of the small pieces of my day. My life is busy and rich but I mindfully stop at regular intervals to simply experience fully whatever I am doing. Yesterday as I walked in the sunshine behind the electric John Deer Gator that our grandson was driving down the sidewalk collecting leaves for Thanksgiving, I savoured the moment. He was so full of enthusiasm and excitement he was bursting and his joy was contagious. This is the way I want to live my life - fully experiencing the moments with fewer regrets about yesterday and fewer worries about tomorrow. I already have two wonderful little role models to learn from and I pray we have many more over the years. It takes me back to the joy I felt as we raised our own children except now I have a little more time and a lot more wisdom to remember to enjoy the ride as I go.

I pray that you, too, found something to be grateful for this weekend and that you can carry the energy of that into the next year. The moments pass quickly so savour them and create rich and meaningful traditions for your family and friends along the way.

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OOGY - AN INSPIRING DOG STORY ON SURVIVING ADVERSITY

Take a minute and watch this heartwarming story about an amazing dog. It is about the power of the love of a family to help a dog survive and the power of the unconditional love of a dog.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yfvxk_n6lgA

Animals have such a wonderful ability to offer healing, support, and encouragement to people in all walks of life. A dog sitting quietly beside a resident in a nursing home, walking with a person with limited vision, or cuddled in the lap of child in a wheelchair offers a type of healing and peace that can't be found any other way. The unconditional acceptance offered by a loving dog is a welcome respite for almost everyone.

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POWERFUL MOVIE ENTITLED "MOM, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT

Dr. Doris Rapp is a pediatric allergist and environmental medical specialist. Take a minute to watch this compelling testimonial video from her website. The link is www.dorisrappmd.com/?page_id=9

It is so powerful to watch the behaviour of real children and parents struggling with serious behaviour challenges. Dr. Rapp has been in practice for over 40 years and has contributed a great deal to the understanding of how food and environmental triggers impact the health, behaviour and learning of children. She has written a number of books including "Is This Your Child" and "Allergies and Your Family" and submitted many articles to well known journals. She has also been on Oprah and Larry King in her bid to improve the awareness of this topic. Her website is www.dorisrappmd.com

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CANDIES AND TREATS FOR FOOD SENSITIVE KIDS OF ALL AGES

Finally!!! A company has developed candies and goodies for kids with a wide range of food sensitivities. They ship throughout the world and even provide treats in a small box suitable to be left in your child's classroom. Check out their wide range of products! I am delighted to spread the word as holidays are often difficult for kids when they can't eat those special treats that others are having. Please spread the word to anyone you know facing this challenge.

Their website is www.indiecandy.com

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NOURISHING YOUR BODY THROUGH CANCER AND OTHER DISEASES

Take a few minutes and watch this inspiring video. This woman had ovarian cancer and was able to cleanse and heal herself through diet, exercise, and surrounding herself with only supportive and nourishing people. Another story that demonstrates the power of a healthy lifestyle.

http://www.foodmatters.tv/_webapp_413654/A_Remarkable_Cancer_Survivor's_Story

This story came from a website called www.foodmatters.tv It is full of great ideas, video documentaries and compelling evidence to eat organic, living, healthy food. Take a little time to check it out. It just might be the long awaited answer for your health or that of someone you love.

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JK Rowlings inspiring speach at Harvard Convocation

http://vimeo.com/1711302
Take a few minutes to listen to this amazing speech. JK Rowling speaks of the power of failure and the life changing possibilities of imagination. Her life story has been difficult but she found the inner strength and resilience she needed to pick herself up and refocus her life by doing what she loved; what she had always loved but had been distracted away from.

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MY BOOK IS FINISHED - dreams really don't have deadlines!

This morning I printed off my book on the topic of food sensitivities and children! It has been an interesting experience to notice the emotional roller coaster that it has placed me on. There is a huge sense of relief, of gratitude, of adventure and gleeful terror over what might be next as well as more than a few saboteur voices of doubt.

This book, like the ones written by so many people, has been years in the making. I began it when our children were small and I was struggling trying to sort out their diet. It was put on hold when life become too busy and I couldn't find time to write or work with families facing similar challenges. As I tell my clients all the time, however, dreams don't have deadlines and when the time is right, the doors will open. My journey with this book has been nothing short of miraculous. God placed the most amazing people and opportunities in my path over the last few years and all of them have contributed to the wonderful experience it has been. I have loved every minute of it. I could actually get lost in the experience of writing and long for the rest of my life to just let me be for a while.

There is still a final proof read by my wonderful editor Gordon to go before it is sent off to the publishers but the most difficult piece is finished. I am grateful to him for his patience, wisdom, great connections and wonderful friendship. This journey has been so much richer with him to share it with.

As well, I am grateful to my family for their support and for the many friends who have continued to be interested and supportive of my journey. It is an immense gift to be able to offer the wisdom I have acquired in almost 58 years of living back to other families facing similar challenges. It feels like a wonderful legacy to leave. The biggest legacy I leave, however, is our children and grandsons. It is the impact that changing their diet has had on their lives that bring me the most joy. It has been worth every minute of extra effort as my husband and I now enjoy watching them all thrive in their lives. It is the best gift I could imagine.

I hope all of you have dreams that you are working toward and planning and that you embrace the idea that dreams do not have deadlines. Sometimes the dream is delayed simply because there is more learning you need to do to make it work. The reward of finally achieving it is worth the wait!!

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CAN YOU BE ALONE?

Love this video:
-->http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs
How comfortable are you being alone? No distractions, no conversations, nothing to do and nowhere to go? Are you overwhelmed with thoughts of your "to do" list or are you simply antsy to get on with something - anything, to relieve those anxious feelings that are beginning to surface?

One of the places of growth for me in the last year has been to learn to sit quietly with myself and with God. I have been to two silent retreats which, if you know me well, is a BIG stretch. I love to chat, have meaningful and deep conversations and spend time with the important people in my life. I am learning that silence allows me to access a deep inner wisdom that I had often lost touch with. I love the phrase in the book by Thomas Keating that says, "Contemplative prayer undoes the strings of the sludge of the unconscious". Healing can be found in silence and contemplation.

In the beginning my mind raced everywhere and reminded me constantly of all the things I needed "to do" in my life. Now, however, I am able to relish the quiet ritual of contemplation in my day and I notice my day simply feels calmer and lighter when I begin and end it in silence. Thoughts of all kinds appear and, if I don't grab onto them but allow them to quietly slip past my awareness, I am finding that many of the challenges of my life are getting easier.

What about you? Do you ever allow yourself time to step out of the busy pace of your life and enjoy the experience of doing nothing? Do you walk in nature, sit in the sun, or simply sit quietly in your bed for a few nourishing minutes? It often seems that when life is the most stressful is when we forget to simply sit, rest, take a few breaths and listen for the wise internal voice that we all possess. I hope this serves as a reminder to stop often in your day and notice how you are really doing. Take some time to get comfortable being alone and you might be surprised what you might learn about yourself. Perhaps, like me, you will even find healing of some of those old stories from your past and a renewed sense of peace in your life.

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MENTAL ILLNESS AND FOOD SENSITIVITIES

Are you or someone you love struggling with the symptoms of depression? Have you ever considered that the food you are eating might be a significant part of the cause?

I have spent 8 hours today immersed in the physiology of food sensitivities. I was proof reading this section for my book and filling in the gaps in the places where I felt I was lacking information or resources. I know the material well and have spent over 25 years working with people, including my own family, to help them address the diet triggers and symptoms in their life. Without doubt, the most controversial symptoms that are attributed to food are ones that relate to mental health and behaviour.

Many years ago Dr. Feingold identified that children with ADD improved dramatically when food colouring and artificial chemicals were removed from their diet. Dr. Doris Rapp, a well known American pediatric allergist and environmental specialist has written several books on the impact of food sensitivities on the behavior, attitude, and mental health of children. Her website is www.dorisrappmd.com Dr. Natasha Campbell-McBride has treated hundred's of children with autism, schizophrenia, ADD and ADHD with diet and had amazing results. Her book "Gut and Psychology Syndrome" tells the story about her work. Her website can be found at www.gutandpsychologysyndrome.com Despite the literature and the research that supports this topic, the number of people educated about the connection between food and mental health is small.

While I have personally seen the mental health of my clients transformed, the possibility that a change in their diet is what made the difference is still usually dismissed by their physicians. I helped another woman this past week whose depression disappeared after only 3 weeks on a dairy free, gluten free diet. I have also witnessed the same transformation in children. It is a source of great frustration for me that more people do not have this information so at least they could make a conscious choice whether or not to give it a try. I am aware tonight after spending hours on my book again today of the reason I am writing it. Food does have a huge impact on mental health, behaviour, attitude, learning, and health and I am committed to spreading the word. It is a drug free, safe, relatively easy, and inexpensive way to regain your health and the potential for your life and the lives of your children. Spread the word!! It might just be the answer for someone you love!

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NO! SLOW! GROW! GO!!

Are you, like me, often waiting for answers to those puzzling questions of life; the answers you are sure will make your life easier and help you find the clarity you are looking for? Why is it that some people seem to get all that things they pray for while others seem to face only increasing adversity? How come life very often doesn't seem fair?

I watched the Hour of Power this morning on TV and Dr. Robert Schuller gave a sermon that I loved. The topic was one he gave over 40 years ago and he said it has been one of the most helpful and significant sermons he has ever given both for himself and for those who heard it. The topic addresses the places in life where we are looking for direction but can't quite find our way. He focuses on the assurance that God is in every story, even when we don't like His answers. So, whether you believe God is the designer of your life or whether you believe that life unfolds some other way, consider his ideas and see how they might relate to you.

Sometimes God and life answers a firm and clear NO to your request.

Sometimes things simply don't work out because, in the big picture of your life, they aren't in your best interest. God often has a bigger plan that you can't see and your request simply isn't in line with where He wants you to go. It isn't about God not wanting to give you want you want but that He actually has something even better in mind for you. He needs to say NO to your request so he can say YES to what you need.

Sometimes God and life answers "SLOW" and encourages you to wait much longer than you would choose.

When things you want to happen seem to be delayed, stalled, or hitting multiple road blocks, it often means that God needs a few more things to happen in the sequence of events before your request will be granted. It isn't that you won't finally find your dream but that you simply have to learn to wait. Waiting is a skill to be cultivated and one that this difficult for most of us!

Sometimes God and life answers "GROW" and calls you to stretch and experience more things in your life before your dream will be granted.

It might be that you need to learn more lessons, change your attitude, take care of some other pressing issues first or gain some other valuable experiences before your dream will appear. God's time is not our time so sometimes we have to simply look for places to expand who we are and trust that all in good time our dream will arrive.


And sometimes God happily shouts, "GO"!

Our time has arrived, the pieces we need have been collected, we have grown to a place where we can handle what He is asking and everything seems to magically fall into place.

As I reflect on these 4 words, I can see places in my life where I am at each of these stages. In my work, I am gratefully aware that God has said "GO". I have spent a lifetime gathering all the experience and the wisdom I need to write a book on Food Sensitivities and children. I am privileged to work with many amazing people who share the joys and challenges of their lives. I know God is saying GO because I love every minute of it. The work is challenging and I love that. The people all bring unique stories and issues and I love that, too. I would do what I am doing for free just for the pure joy of it.

However, in other places of my life things aren't quite as easy. My health story seems to have embraced all of the answers of NO, SLOW, and GROW. No, God has not healed me. How frustrating is that. I prayed that he would and he didn't. The process of getting better has been painfully slow. It was 27 years ago that I first got sick! The answers have come in bits and pieces but I certainly could have used them many years before now! And, this journey has resulted in more growth than I ever could have imagined. I have experienced every emotion in the book over and over and it has forced many relationships in my life to grow, as well. I can see the growth when I look back but it has been a difficult journey.

How do I make sense of it all? Most of the time it is easy. As I now embrace God's GO in my business, I can see how even that journey has had its places where He said NO, SLOW, and GROW. He said NO, don't go to graduate school. You don't need it and it isn't part of my plan. He said NO, you can't have your mother alive to be at your side to help you navigate your way. He said NO, I won't give you perfect health to make it easy. All the NO's were difficult but now I can see the power of them.

God also said SLOW in many places. I tried to go back to school, to do a little work, to carve out more space for myself, to find ways to improve my health and energy and each time an obstacle appeared in my way that slowed me down. However, each of these NO's and SLOW'S caused me to grow. As I grew I learned more about myself, about the topic of food sensitivities, about life, about people, about business and slowly gathered all the bits and pieces I would need for success. Then God offered me a few special people and some wonderful circumstances and my dream took flight. God finally said GO!

Because of this story in my life, I am able to embrace that God is there through all the stories. I can trust that the NO's, the SLOW'S and the GROWS of today will be the stepping stones of the GO's of tomorrow. My challenge is now to live every day in the faith of all of this. When I get a NO that I don't like or an invitation to GROW that I would rather not have, it is difficult sometimes to remember the bigger picture. I am hoping God will help me GROW here, too!

So, what about you? Where is God saying NO, SLOW, GROW and GO in your life? Are you listening and having faith the the invitation to GO will eventually come or are you sitting in the ditch of despair? Are you able to celebrate the places in your life where God is asking you to GO and find the courage and conviction to take bold steps? Are you accepting responsibility to GROW in who you are rather than blame others for the challenges you are facing? Are you able to find the patience to go SLOW and wait when all you want to do is leap ahead and get what you want right now? And, what do you do with God's flat out NO'S? What do you do when you simply can't get what you want, no matter how hard to try? Can you embrace the idea that perhaps God has a bigger plan for you and shift your focus to listen for that?

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SILENCE IS GOLDEN!!

How often do you intentionally remove yourself from the noise of your busy life and sit quietly in solitude and notice what your body is drawing your attention to? Have you ever done it or are you, like most of us simply so busy much of the time that you don't even notice the chaos around you.

I am headed off tomorrow for a blissful 1 week silent retreat. I will enjoy the beautiful surroundings of the Bethlehem Retreat Center in Nanaimo and soak up the soul filling silence. There will be no cell phones, laptops, or phone calls to make. I will be left to listen to the whisperings of God and notice what absurd games my mind plays. I have done a 3 day silent retreat before and found it an interesting journey. For a while I just slept and soaked up the rest and then my mind woke up to the fact that I had lots of "things" I should have done and should be doing. My level of agitation rose and I began to think that the next 2 days would be torture. It was only a few hours, however, before my body and my mind gave in and gave up and the constant gremlin chit chat in my head began to subside. By the end of the weekend I felt inspired, rejuvenated and peaceful and could easily have stayed another week.

What will this week hold for me? I have no idea but am going with the energy of curious anticipation about what might unfold. I will ponder the book I am writing that is currently being edited, I will dream of what is next for me, I will likely hear more than few gremlin voices that would benefit from a little exploration, and I will rest. The last retreat offered a level of deep and peaceful rest unlike any I had ever experienced. I hope that I find the same gift this time.

So, what about you? Are you, like me, in need of a little deep and restorative rest? Are you so numbed over by the constant noise in your life that you find silence stressful? I challenge you to give silence a try. Walk in the woods on your own without your ipod and listen, instead, to the birds and your own heart. Create an afternoon of silence in the midst of your week where you turn off all the ringers, computers, and noisy reminders of your busy life and simply rest. Perhaps you, like me, might just find some internal voices of wisdom that have been trying for a long time to get your attention.

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IT IS NOT THE SIZE OF THE LOSS BUT THE SIZE OF THE SORROW

As I was doing a little research for my previous post I came across this on Dr. Robert Fulghum's website!! I love it!!! It speaks to the human side of sadness and sorrow in a way that I have never heard!! I have pasted it below and give him full credit for the amazing story he has written. If you want to read more of these, check out his website at www.robertfulghum.com

FROM THE OFFICIAL WEBSITE OF DR. ROBERT FULGHUM. CHECK OUT www.robertfulghum.com 

January 21, 2010

Seattle, Washington - January 20, 2010

IT’S NOT THE SIZE OF THE LOSS,
BUT THE SIZE OF THE SORROW.

Last Saturday - out for an early morning walk.
Heavy fog - a chilly, drippy start to a January day.
Nobody else seemed to be out and about.
So quiet . . .
Until I’m a block from the nearby park.

From somewhere close by I heard the sound of a small child crying.
But the fog was so thick I couldn’t see far enough to locate the child.
The Good Samaritan Alert goes on in my mind.
Trouble? Lost? Injured? What?

Hurrying along I found, standing on a corner, these three:
A mother, a child, and a dog.
The mother was weeping.
The child was crying.
And the dog looked so forlorn it would have been in tears - if dogs did that.

All three were in basic Seattle cold-wet-weather gear, including the dog - a yellow Labrador, wearing a yellow rain slicker over most of him.

The child was bundled up and packed down inside a high-tech baby carriage that could be used as a Mars Rover if it had a motor.
All I could see of the child’s face were its eyes, awash with tears.

As I appeared out of the fog the child was the first to speak:
“Have you seen my . . . ?”
The word was lost in a sob.
“Seen what?” I asked, thinking puppy, kitty, doll, teddy bear, father?

Blankie turns out to be the operative word.
And the child is a little girl named Nelly, about four years old.

It took awhile, but between the tearful mother and Nelly, I got this story:

Once upon a time . . . Nelly’s grandmother made a blanket just for her.
Nelly became deeply attached to the blanket, as children will.
In time, the blanket became little more than a deteriorating rag.
Last summer the dog and Nelly had a tug-of-war with the blanket.
The big dog tore off a big chunk of the blanket.
The mother did not repair the blanket, thinking it was history.
Alas, Nelly remained fully committed to both parts of the blanket.

This morning the mother has been out jogging with the Nelly-in-the-bucket.
Somewhere along the way the lesser part of the blanket went overboard.
And now, despite retracing the route three times, it cannot be found.

The mother choked up again.
Nelly lapsed into sobs again.
And the dog lay down with its face in its paws.
All three were wet, cold, and approaching hysteria or hypothermia or both.

“What does the blankie look like?” I asked
“Like that . . .” said the mother, pointing at Nelly’s wrapping.

Around Nelly’s neck and head was entwined what might be the desiccated remains of a dead python.
Lumpy, fuzzy, brown and green and red, with yellow stripes here and there.
A raggedy remnant of what once was the blanket.
A blanket now in such grim shape that you might find it in the reject dumpster out behind a recycling center.

“My blankie,“ moaned Nelly, tightly clutching the dead python.

This could be funny.
And maybe . . . someday . . . it will be.
But not now.
Not to Nelly.
Or the mother.
Not even to the dog.

As the world rates catastrophes, the missing partial blankie is small stuff.
But to Nelly . . . a major loss.

I was struck by the serious dignity of her grief.
No wailing or screaming or fit-pitching.
Just sad-eyed sorrow.
“I need my blankie. . .”

What could I say or do?

Should I explain to Nelly that the Buddha said that the attachment to things is the source of sorrow? Be not attached.

Should I say to Nelly that her situation is the glass-half-full, glass half-empty
attitude problem? Be glad you still have most of the blanket.

Should I tell Nelly that life isn’t fair and that losing a partial blankie is training for future losses in life?

Shall I elaborate about hurricanes, earthquakes, fire, thieves, and the loss of a limb or sight or parents? Could be worse.

Or maybe explain to her about the losses involved in love and friendship, when what is lost is never found again?

No. Nelly is four.
Sooner or later she’ll find out on her own, like the rest of us.

Nelly’s sorrow is still real to Nelly.
And grief is to be attended to, not judged or analyzed or dismissed.
This was not the time for the Good Samaritan to offer a sympathetic discourse to mother or child or dog on the existential realities of the human condition.
Dispassionate explanations will not help.

So I knelt down beside Nelly and said,
“I’m so sorry.
I understand.
I had this happen to me once.
It made me cry, too.
I’ll look for it.
And if I find it, I’ll make sure you get it back.”

(And to my complete surprise, when I said that, tears came to my own eyes.
I’m not sure just why.
Perhaps I was thinking of the times in my life when I wish someone had said that to me when I was grieving over a loss of my own.
Lost Blankies come in many sizes and shapes and forms.)

What I said seemed to help. Not much. But some.
Enough to set the threesome in motion again on their quest.

Blocks away I found the missing semi-blankie.
Or thought I did. Several times.
In the half light of a foggy morning, many heaps of mossy trash lodged under bushes resembled partial pythons.

The false sightings reflected my hope that I could and would find Nelly’s blankie, and be the one who returned it.

But I did not and was not.

So what’s this all about?
I’ve been asking myself that for the last few days.

My frustration in this small matter mirrors, I think, a deeper universal human wish that any one of us could make things better for all those in pain wherever, whenever, no matter how small the loss or large the sorrow.

FROM THE OFFICIAL WEBSITE OF DR. ROBERT FULGHUM. CHECK OUT www.robertfulghum.com

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What is the kindergarten answer to your problem?

Are you like me who ponders, thinks, tries, researches and often falls pray to "struggling" to find answers to the pressing challenges of your life? What if you stepped outside of the issue and pondered what wisdom might be found in a playground sandbox attitude, instead?

Sometimes we get so emeshed in our problems that we "can't see the forest for the trees". We believe the answer will be found if we just "try" a little harder yet we often end up following an exhaustive circle of indecision. The "perfect" solution doesn't appear and we begin to sink into frustration and even despair. Our saboteur's voice appears to remind us we are lame and whispers a multitude of discouraging and disempowering chit chat in our ear.

What's the answer? I recommend hanging out with a young child for a while. I spent yesterday with our 3 year old grandson and his problem solving skills are amazing. He "persevered" relentlessly asking for his new tent to be put up in the living room until he was successful. If one strategy failed, he simply turned on the charm and tried another idea. He certainly never entertained the idea of giving up! He creatively moved the 2 small tents and tunnel into a variety of formats and then created a fabulous array of imaginary stories to match. Perhaps now one could be a rescue tent requiring his ambulance and fire truck. That was great for a bit then it was time for a new idea - how about we all go camping!!! Get out the blankets and perhaps a snack that includes marshmallows for our fire! The ideas flew fast and furious as only the attention span of a toddler can do and he was wildly enthusiastic about them all. He wasn't, however, stuck that any of them were the "right" one but simply tried them all with a sense of adventure.

What if you approached your life like that? What if you embraced a sense of adventure and tried a bunch of ideas with that type of energy? No attachment that one had to be right and complete permission to dream, laugh, and try anything. What a concept? What might be possible from here? A book I have called "Secret's of the World Class" refers to this as the "Law of Indirect Effort". Who knew that playground wisdom and the unbridled joy of childhood had a professional sounding name!! I love the idea!! Play more and be wildly successful. Now there is a business plan I like!!

What "problem" of yours needs a kindergarten approach? What "struggle" do you need to let go of and explore with a more joyful, creative, playful energy? What if everything you really needed to know truly was learned in kindergarten???

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WONDERFUL LOCAL VANCOUVER BOOKSTORE

If you love books as much as I do, I invite you to visit the Vine and Fig bookstore in Vancouver. It has a rich selection of books on"open minded, open hearted spirituality, religion and popular leisure reading." The space is warm and inviting and Elaine's goal is to build community book by book and conversation by conversation. You will find a wide range of great topics and a helpful staff always willing to chat with you about what you want and what they are reading.
In this day of megabook stores and endless titles, it is so lovely to be able to simply wander into a small and inviting space and browse on topics that inspire. I have found an endless supply of wonderful books in this store and often purchase their children's books for my clients and my grandchildren. If you are looking for a different book shopping experience to explore some of those pressing issues or questions that you are facing. give this store a visit. The address is 4109 MacDonald St. in Vancouver, across the road from the motor vehicle station. Their website is
www.vineandfig.ca

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SECRETS OF THE WORLD CLASS!

What am I willing to fight for? What values do I hold dearest to my heart? What values would I be willing to die for? If I could achieve a single thing, what would make my hard work worth the struggle? If I had 30 seconds to live, what would I tell my children are the 3 most important things I learned about how to live a happy life?

These 5 questions are taken from the book entitled: "Secrets of the World Class" by Steve Siebold. Steve has spent over 20 years studying peak performers and what makes them champions. I loved the questions so offer them here for you to ponder. The book offers lots of wisdom and thought provoking ideas to help you stretch outside your limiting thoughts and beliefs. Check out this book and all the other inspiring movies and resources on the website of www.simpletruths.com

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THE LIFETIME QUESTION

"What are the five most important goals I want to achieve in my lifetime so that when I am lying on my deathbed, I can look back at my life and feel satisfied and complete? If I spend the next 5 years the same way I've spent the last 5 years, how much closer to achieving my lifetime goals will I be?" What great questions to ponder!

I attended a course on the development of powerful questions that have the ability to help us create the life we truly want. This course was given by Alan Jacques and contained some of the material of his upcoming book. As a coach I am always asking powerful, thought provoking questions to help my clients get clear on what matters most to them in life. Our thoughts have great power and we can transform our lives by transforming what we think. Negative thoughts have the power to stop us from taking risks and to live a life full of limitations. Rather than courageously go after what we want, we settle, instead, for what we feel we deserve or what is easy. If we carefully craft questions that offer "relentless intention" according to Alan Jacques, we will be open to the wide expanse of possibilities for our life and motivated to go and get it!

What answers would you give to the questions above? What could you change in your life today to make your actions more congruent with how you want your future to be? What is stopping you from doing it right now!

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I HEAR YOU. I AM HERE!

When you are expressing a challenge to a friend or family member, what do they say? Do they try and fix it, minimize it, or change the subject to themselves or do they respond as suggested by Wendy Harpham M.D. by saying, "I HEAR YOU AND I AM HERE.

Today as I celebrate the 1 year anniversary of the severe flare up that I had of my autoimmune disease, I received a new blog posting from Wendy Harpham's blog. This woman knows all about challenge, adversity and HOPE. She was diagnosed with cancer at an age when she was the mom of young children, a practicing physician and in the prime of her life. The multiple recurrences that she experienced caused her to close her practice and to wonder where this journey was going to end. She courageously tried a number of treatements and shifted her focus to writing at home both for her own healing and rest and to make a difference to those travelling journeys like hers. She has a unique opportunity to do that as she has seen the journey of cancer from both sides of the bed. She is now a successful author and writes books that help physicians understand how to be with patients in some of the most challening experiences of their life and ones that support patients to find their way to being a "healthy survivor". Her cancer is now in remission and she is able to travel the world delivering her message of HOPE to health professionals of all kinds. Her messages always include real life strategies to find healthy hope in the midst of life's challenges. I love what she has to say and encourage you to take time to read the postings on her blog. Her blog is www.wendyharpham.com

For me, I am celebrating this past year. My health is much improved although certainly not exactly what I had hoped for. I can see, however, how much I have grown in this past year in so many different ways. The most significant thing I have learned is how to simply sit in the midst of adversity and allow myself to feel it. It is so easy to minimize it, distract myself away from it, hide how I am feeling from others, and simply press on with my life. I have made a conscious and deliberate choice this year not to do that. I have, instead, allowed the multitude of feelings I have felt to surface and simply sat in the experience of them. I have discovered that when I give them space, they hang around for a while and then the energy disapates and I can get on with my day. I sit quietly every morning in the lovely ritual of centering prayer and allow myself to quietly "rest in God". This practice enriches my day and my life. My story still isn't easy but I am so much better able to connect to healthy hope.

Wendy Harpham's blog posting speaks about the topic of support as we all share the stories and experiences of our lives. What about you? Do you keep it inside and pretend that you are "fine" so you don't burden other people with your problems? Do you press on in your life and deny that your experiences are as difficult as they really are? Do you have people in your life who will answer "I hear you. I am here." when you share your journey with them? Having people who are able to listen deeply to your story and respond with a positive "You are not alone. I am here" makes a huge difference. Cultivate those relationships in life so that when you need a hand someone will hear you and offer a little support. Remember, too, to say the same to the people in your life. Don't try and minimze their problem, tell them you're sure it will turn out fine, or simply walk away or change the subject because it feels too challenging for you. Offer what support you can in the midst of your own busy life and trust that others will do the same for you.

I am going to rewrite Wendy Harpham's blog posting here rather than include only the link because I think it is so well written. Read it and ponder how it might apply to your own life and circumstance.

Taken from Wendy Harpham's blog posting on Friday, February 4, 2010

A natural response to people who confide that they've been diagnosed with a disease (or that they are afraid of dying, are worried about getting through treatment, or are feeling any other unpleasant emotion), is to empathize and try to lift their spirits.
Unfortunately, the response that comes naturally may not be the most helpful to someone who wants to be a Healthy Survivor.
The expression of unpleasant thoughts and feelings is how Healthy Survivors (1) signal they have a problem or (2) respond to a problem.
With this in mind, a healing response often begins with some variation of this: "I hear you. I'm here for you."
If people share with you that they have been diagnosed with a disease, instead of saying you are sorry or that it'll turn out fine, consider saying, "Thanks for letting me know. I will be here for you whatever way you want me to be here."
If people share a fear or two, instead of trying to minimize the danger or bolster their confidence, try saying, "Yes, that is frightening. I'll walk with you, whatever happens."
If they share a weakness, you can say, "That's okay. Because you don't have to do this alone."
"I hear you. I am here."

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FUTILITY AND HOPE

What story in your life do you connect to when I offer the word FUTILITY? Does the story also contain a feeling of HOPE or is it simply a memory of anger and sadness? Dr. Gordon Neufeld's book entitled, "Hold On To Your Kids" offers a perspective on the healthy aspects of futility that I found interesting.
I am currently finishing my book entitled, "Hope For Our Children - The Power of Addressing Food Sensitivities" and was researching how to support children and families to make change. After having raised 4 kids who are now adults, I was intrigued to see what he thought and how it compared to what we did back then. No doubt it would offer some wisdom I could now use with our grandchildren!

The thrust of his entire book is the importance of children being attached to healthy adults rather than attached to their fickle, immature, and ever changing peer group. The attachment needs of children are a basic human need that the child fights tirelessly to satisfy. When parents spend quality time connecting with their children and allowing them a safe place to lean, they learn that the world is a positive place that they can depend on, no matter what they face. Children who do not find strong attachments from caring parents at home naturally gravitate to their peer group. The peer group becomes the focus of their attachment and they gradually pull away from their family. The peer group determines their behaviour and they begin to lose their sense of self as they strive to fit in.

Dr. Neufeld explains that one of the tasks of parents as they raise their children to be mature adults is allow them to experience futility; when they don't get what they want and are unable to change the situation. Whether it is a dropped ice cream cone, no invitation to the party, the death of a beloved pet or a chronic illness they hate, learning to go from being angry at this situation to allowing themself to feel sad is necessary. Rather than be enticed to try and fix the problem for the child, our role is to support them as they get past the anger they are experiencing and allow tears of sadness to appear. He also explains that children who are attached to their peers often remain stuck in the feeling of anger and lash out at the people around them as well as themselves. They find it almost impossible to feel or to express the true sadness of their situation. "Letting go of a desire we are attached to is most difficult even for adults, whether it be the wish that everyone like us or that a particular person love us, or that we become politically powerful. Not until we accept that what we have been trying to do cannot be done and fully experience the disappointment and sadness that follow can we move on with our lives". (Hold On To Your Kids page 122)

What happens to kids who do not have a strong attachment with their family? How is it that some children seem to thrive in life despite a very challenging home environment? Dr. Neufeld suggests it is because they have learned that attempting to get these needs satisfied is futile; they simply learn to let go and move on. "This emotional turning point comes when, instead of being fulfilled by what works, the child's brain registers that the attachment hunger is not going to be satisfied in this situation or at this time...... Our emotional circuitry is programmed to release us from the pursuit of contact and closeness not only when attachment hunger is fulfilled but also when we truly get that the desire for its fulfillment is futile." (Hold On To Your Kids page 122)

When I first read this book I wondered where the topic of hope might fit in. If we are feeling that a situation is futile, does that mean that we have also given up hope. I believe that futility actually offers an invitation to hope rather than destroying it. Once we acknowledge that a situation is not going to change, we are able to be open to new possibilities. Rather than be stuck repeating behaviours that have been unsucccessful, we are able to turn our attention to places of hope and consider what we might do differently. It reminds me of a fork in the road - when one path leads to a dead end we need only retrace out steps slightly and try the other way. We can remain hopeful that the other direction will offer us something wonderful, something unexpected, something that will be life giving rather than life draining.

When our children are faced with deep disappointments, our goal as parents is to simply hold them, love them, give them space to express their anger and frustration and encourage the tears of sadness to appear. When I reflect back on the experience of raising our children, I can see that the times that this occured, they were better able to let go of their disappointment and move on. I can see too, that as an adult I have found it easier to move past a difficult situation when I gave up trying to "fix" it and change it and allowed myself to simply feel the sadness of my circumstance.

What place in your life are you stuck in futility? Where is it that you need to let go of trying to change what is and open yourself up to new possibilities? What is it to choose hope?

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