It’s been said that finding gifts in the adversities of our lives and using them to make a difference in the lives of others offers healing. My own story is a testament to that adage.
It has been a privilege to use the health challenges my own family has overcome to support hundreds of other families to transform their lives as well. There are no words to describe the joy I feel when a child with a challenging health problem or behaviour gets better and is able to participate more fully in life.
I know firsthand the difference it will make in their long term potential and happiness as adults. It’s been my pleasure and privilege to have offered this wisdom to hundreds of people, and it has warmed my heart to watch them regain their health and their ability to choose how their lives unfolded. I share my story in the hope it will inspire others to consider altering their diet to regain their health. I trust it will light a spark of hope for you and offer something new to try in what is very often a difficult and frustrating situation.
My health problems began long before my parents were aware of the potential for trouble. I was adopted as a baby, and the history that was available from my birth mother was sketchy at best. I was bottle fed as an infant and, although I thrived, this likely was the beginning of the bowel inflammation that caused my symptoms years later. The intolerances we inherit at birth for certain foods play a significant role in determining our future health. A very large percentage of children are intolerant to cow’s milk and this is the primary cause of many childhood illnesses.
My first recollections of having difficulties with my health are from when I was eight or nine years of age. I had been a healthy, happy baby and toddler, and in my early school years was an active, bright little girl who was filled with a zest for life. I did have my tonsils out at the age of four, which I know now can be an early indication of food sensitivities.
In about grade three or four, I began to have stomach aches. They woke me up at night and appeared primarily when I was nervous, excited, or anxious. The doctor decided that it was likely a “nervous” stomach and no treatment was offered. I shudder now as I recall never being asked directly if I was “nervous” about anything in particular. Had someone actually taken the time to speak to me alone, I would have shared with them that yes, I was nervous and anxious, because my dad had a drinking problem, another common story I hear from my clients. It was one of those hidden secrets that few people knew and I learned early on not to share the story except with a few close friends. This is the pattern I hear often in the clients I work with – some type of stress tips them over the edge from reasonably good health to recurrent bouts of illness. How I wish someone had seen past my bright and sunny exterior and actually spent time with me alone to ask how I really was.
My digestive symptoms continued to worsen as life at home became more difficult and I eventually was sent to a gastroenterologist to search for some answers. Despite suffering the indignity of colonoscopies and drinking chocolate flavored barium for x-rays, no answer was discovered. Tranquilizers were prescribed, but I recognized that it was the same one my father took, and I was not going to take it, too!
Despite my stomach aches that occurred once a month or so, my life was otherwise wonderful. My dad courageously stopped drinking and became the wonderful man I now remember. Both he and my mom were amazing and provided a constant source of support and encouragement to both me and my brother as we participated in music, sports, and life. How grateful I was that all the stress and fighting I had witnessed years before had disappeared. I lived in a neighborhood full of kids and we played kick the can and swam in our pool every summer evening. My life was full of people who loved me and who supported my entire family.
Despite my mom’s commitment to feeding us only healthy food, I continued, however, to be bothered by stomach aches. They would appear unannounced in unwelcome places and times like first dates or during exams. It is only now that I understand the reason.
Food sensitivities are connected to life. Unlike true allergies where a reaction occurs immediately, food sensitivities appear in a variety of ways and at different frequencies based on the life experience of each of us. If you imagine a barrel of water, there is that last drop that sends the water flooding over the edge. My yet-to-be-discovered food sensitivities resulted in living with the level of water in my barrel close to the very top. Any small food challenge or difficult life circumstance sent me over the top and my symptoms increased. Perhaps I got yet another stomach ache, perhaps I developed a cough that wouldn’t go away or perhaps my acne would flare up, just to make life difficult. I was totally frustrated as were my parents, and none of the multitude of doctors that I visited could offer any answers.
As I began university, my health seemed to stabilize. I lived at home for the first two years and then moved to an apartment for the final three. I ate pretty well considering I was often cooking for myself, and my symptoms didn’t get any worse. I did discover, however, that beer made my stomach aches return in full force so drinking was something I rarely did. I now know that the reason for this was that beer is a gluten containing food and years later I would discover that I was intolerant to it. My life was fun and interesting despite the hard work of nursing school and I thrived in the environment.
In 1975 I married my husband and we began our life together. At that time as a medical resident, my husband’s very favourite food in the beginning of our marriage was white bread with cheese so we often had this as a late night snack. It was actually all he often felt like eating when he came home after several days on call and was so exhausted he could barely keep his eyes open. I now know that this fatigue can also be a symptom of food sensitivity.
An inherited predisposition for gluten and dairy sensitivities coupled with a runaway life set us both up for trouble tolerating these foods. Dairy and gluten foods produce by- products related to the narcotic family (like morphine) when they are not completely digested. This explains the craving I saw in my husband and that I see in my clients all the time for these particular foods. Sadly, however, I still did not have the wisdom to understand what was going on. The extra bread and cheese in my diet created a resurgence of my stomach aches and I found that I was more tired than I ever remembered being. I chalked it up to being newly married.
As married life continued and my husband and I worked opposite shifts and schedules, we began to think about having children. Our first son was born in 1978. He was a beautiful robust little boy who screamed from the minute he arrived. No amount of nursing would quiet him and I was beyond exhaustion. Was I not a pediatric nurse who had worked in the intensive care nursery? Shouldn’t I be able to care for my own healthy (the doctor assured me!) baby? I still remember going to the pediatrician when our son was three months old and, in between sobs, telling him I was going to die caring for this baby. Our son screamed day and night and slept for no more than about 20 minutes at a time. I walked, drove, rocked, paced, cuddled, and everything else I could think of, but nothing seemed to help. I felt powerless, hopeless and completely inadequate as a mother.
The pediatrician’s answer to my struggle was the beginning of my journey of healing. He casually commented on an article he had read that encouraged nursing mothers to stop eating dairy products if they had colicky babies. Upon this advice, I immediately stopped all the dairy products I was eating and a miracle occurred. Our son stopped crying and began to laugh. He slept and as a result, so could I.
My own stomach aches also seemed to disappear although it was a few more years before I made the true connection for myself. I was back in the game and feeling alive again. I did, however, have to face all the doubts and criticisms that came my way. Many people felt free to offer their thoughts on what I was doing (obviously none of them ever had a colicky baby) and were sure our son would grow up with crumbling bones and poor nutrition.
When our daughter was born 18 months after our son, she did not seem to have any of his food issues. She was quiet, calm, full of smiles and a joy to nurse. She was to have her own food sensitivity issues, however, as she began to slide down the hill at the age of two when she had her first dose of antibiotics for a sore throat. Her behaviour became difficult, and she had tantrums over the smallest request. She was often too tired to walk even a block and suffered from tummy aches and bladder pains much of the time. Where did my sunny little girl go? Why had all the things I had learned with our first son not made a difference for her?
It would be another year and a half before I figured it out.
In the midst of caring for these two young children, I had a gall bladder attack which resulted in surgery. Because it was discovered to be filled with stones, the doctors reassured me that was the reason for my years of stomach aches. Finally, an answer! Unfortunately, about six months after surgery, my symptoms reappeared and I was again subjected to a multitude of unpleasant tests. Yet again, no answers were found. I was put on a medication that was supposed to help (it actually didn’t do a thing) and told that I could not have any more children because this medication could cause birth defects. Needless to say, I stopped the medication and continued on with my life.
This doctor also had the audacity to comment to my husband in the hallway of the hospital that he thought my symptoms were related to the stress I was under due to his hours of work and my busy life at home. Again, someone else decided I was stressed but didn’t have the courtesy to personally ask me. I believed then and still do to this day: patients need to be treated as whole people and asked about all aspects of their life. It is one of the many reasons I am now a life coach and it is something I am now very careful to offer every client.
Our next son was born three years later and I was on the lookout for food issues with him because he hiccupped in utero just like his brother. I was often awakened in the middle of the night by his violent hiccups that made my entire abdomen bounce. I nursed him at birth and again removed dairy products from my diet. I was sure I knew what to do. Despite my best efforts, he developed repeated ear infections and ended up with tubes in his ears at six months of age. We discovered his hearing had been compromised when we brought him home after the surgery and he was captivated by the ticking grandfather clock in our living room.
What did I miss? Why did removing dairy products from my diet and his not have the same impact it had on his brother? Despite switching him to soya formula, his health continued to deteriorate and soon gastro intestinal symptoms appeared. To make matters worse, once I weaned him and returned to drinking milk and eating cheese myself, all my own digestive symptoms returned.
I went to an allergist convinced I had finally found my answer. He looked me in the eye and told me I was pretty slow at figuring things out! Needless to say, I was deeply insulted. Had he ever been a busy mom with three very small children and a husband training to be doctor? Did he not know how hard I had tried to find the answer? Could he not offer a little support and help rather than criticism? I left his office deflated by his comments but inspired that perhaps I had found an answer to my years and years of stomach aches. At this stage of our life we moved to Toronto for my husband to complete his final year of surgery training. I departed with much sadness as I was leaving behind all my friends and family whose support I counted on. We drove all across the country with three very small children and decided to simply enjoy the trip.
The kids were amazing and approached the trip with a wide eyed sense of adventure. They explored each new campground as we went and still look back on the trip with fond memories. Our second son, however, began to have more gastro intestinal symptoms and suffered with severe diarrhea by the time we reached Toronto. Yet again, he was investigated by the pediatrician and subjected to multiple unpleasant tests but no answer was found. Coincidentally our other kids began to have more symptoms and I was more overwhelmed than ever. I had one son struggling with recurrent ear infections, a daughter now suffering from tummy aches, fatigue, confusion, and irritability, and another son with profuse diarrhea and hyperactivity that kept him up every night from 2:00 a.m. until 5:00 a.m
In the midst of this, my father relapsed and was admitted to a detox centre just before Christmas. I can still remember sitting on the beds of our sleeping children and asking God what on earth happened to my life? I always longed to be a mom but this was not how I imagined it would be. Was He really there and did He care that I was sinking?
As result of the lack of sleep, stress, and lack of support, I became very ill. All of a sudden my eyes became swollen and I had stomach aches again. The allergist I saw had the answer. He phoned me and told me I had a “potentially fatal but possibly treatable” illness but said he didn’t know much about this rare disease and I would have to find someone else to help, but neither he nor I had a clue where to find it. Luckily for me, God was paying attention and He offered me the answer just in time.
Because we had very little money and no local family support, I was only able to create a two hour window each week for a break. The babysitter arrived and I was free for two glorious hours. I usually went to a bookstore and treated myself to a book and then sat and read it over a peaceful lunch. Just when I was at the end of my rope, I walked into a bookstore and, as always, God’s hand was on my shoulder. As I scoured the shelves for just the right book, I noticed one glowing on the shelf high in one corner of the store. Was I hallucinating? Perhaps all the stress and fatigue had finally got to me? I hesitantly reached for the book and was immediately captivated by the topic: food sensitivities and the impact on children’s health and behaviour.
I bought it and read my way through the entire book in my short lunch break. I felt as though someone had written a book specifically about my own children. I raced home, made an appointment with the pediatrician and insisted on a referral to an allergist.
I took our daughter first, as her symptoms were the most complicated and was horrified by what took place. She was poked with over 50 needles while she screamed, “What are you letting them do this to me, Mommy?” She was three and a half years old. Tears were running down my cheeks as I did what I thought was required in order to help our daughter get well. At the end of the testing the doctor announced that the results were only 50% accurate for food and that he wanted to place her on an elimination diet. It was all I could do not to choke the man! Did he not have children? Could he not have told me this before I subjected my precious daughter to this torture?
I now know better. Scratch tests certainly have their place to determine environmental allergens but only a very few ever need to be done. True food allergies are very rare and most food reactions are in fact food intolerances. The distinction is important because intolerances are the result of inflamed bowel walls and imbalanced bowel bacteria and can’t be diagnosed by traditional allergy testing.
I returned home from the allergist committed to finding the answer to the struggles and challenges of our children. I went to the library, checked out several books and read voraciously as soon as the kids went to bed. I found the answers in those pages and changed their diets the following morning. I removed milk from everyone’s diet and also removed eggs from our daughter and wheat from our youngest son. Within two weeks, the changes were nothing short of miraculous. No more diarrhea. No more tummy aches. No more ear infections. Our daughter became an inquisitive sponge and learned more in two weeks than I would ever have believed was possible. Our children were now healthy, happy, and bright without all those old symptoms and challenges. Finally, our children were well.
Our children today are successful university students and graduates in careers that honor the amazing natural gifts they have. The three children that were so unwell are now healthy and thriving adults. They all continue to be dairy free, our daughter is egg free and our son is gluten free. As adults, they cook and eat healthy foods and trust the messages their bodies offer them. And, as you will hear later on in my story, we added the gift of another healthy and amazing daughter to our family.
I removed dairy products from the house completely and it made a big different in how I felt as well. My own stomach aches all but disappeared and I felt better than I had in years. My father returned to sobriety and we eventually returned to Vancouver, excited to be home. My husband began medical practice and we bought our first house. I took the risk of getting pregnant again convinced that I now knew exactly how to care for myself and our baby to avoid all the pitfalls I had experienced before. I turned out to be right.
Our gorgeous little girl arrived in this world having had no hiccups in utero as I avoided milk and wheat during the entire pregnancy. I monitored what I ate as I nursed her and she never got sick. No ear or throat infections. No screaming. No tummy aches. She was a delightful, happy baby who continues to have this disposition to this day. She was the bonus for all that I have learned and a gift to show me how much is possible if food sensitivity issues are addressed early in life. She is currently in university studying to be a nurse and hopes to work with children. She, like our other kids, eats a healthy diet with no dairy products and rarely eats foods that contain gluten. She is, like our other children, is healthy, happy, and successful.
As our children’s health improved, I was ecstatic. Finally, life got easier and I loved it all. Some days I was run off my feet with the busy pace of all their activities but at least they were well. As such, I was totally unprepared for the next part of my adventure.
Without warning, I began to experience profuse bloody diarrhea and I was terrified. I had a four month old, a four year old, a seven year old and an eight year old – what if I had bowel cancer? What if I had Crohn’s Disease? I was nursing my baby – what if she got sick? I went to hospital afraid of what might be ahead.
I had an overwhelming ecoli infection from something I had eaten and remained in hospital on isolation for about two weeks. I was bleeding, in extreme pain, engorged with milk as I couldn’t feed my baby and felt totally miserable. I finally went home drinking dilute pineapple juice. Desperate to see my family, I was nevertheless afraid to eat for fear of what might happen. I had huge trouble getting better because of the busy pace of my life and ten months later I took a much needed vacation to stay with a friend in Toronto. I needed some sleep and a break.
As the months went on, I learned very quickly that certain foods created symptoms and my diet became more and more restricted. I developed red spots on my thighs that corresponded with pains in my joints and no medical professional could find the answer. My story was minimized and dismissed, and no one could offer any solutions. Even my observation that altering my diet had an impact was not believed by most physicians. I was frustrated and discouraged – this time it was my health that was the problem and again I had no answers.
The story of my health challenges continues today, but I am so much better. My joints are sometimes impacted and some days going to the gym is a challenge. However, I go anyway. I have personal trainers who care and who adapt my workout to what I can do. The ambulance rides and hospital visits due to the overwhelming abdominal pain that used to be part of my story are a thing of the past and most days I am well. I am well, to some degree, because I am choosing to be well. Focusing on my limitations is difficult so most days I focus on what I am grateful for and carry on.
Finally, after years and years of medical appointments with 17 specialists and dozens of tests, I have a diagnosis for my problem. I have an autoimmune disease that is the result of that overwhelming infection I had 23 years ago. A new doctor appeared in my life through a number of divinely inspired coincidences and she has offered me her listening ear and her medical wisdom which has answered many of my long unanswered questions. She gave me a medication which makes a huge difference which I take reluctantly for now, but I am committed to being off it sometime very soon. I continue to explore alternatives and other ways of healing and each new piece of learning improves my health. I have slowed the pace of my life down to a one that makes room for daily contemplative prayer, time with friends and family and loads of room for healthy food and exercise.
I am also blessed to have people who care and safe places to share the frustration of my story. I have learned a lot because of my experience with my kids and have adapted my diet to maximize my health. If it were not for the wisdom I acquired in my effort to help our children, I know I would not have the health I have today. God’s guidance that day in the book store has impacted both my life and the life of my family ever since. I will be forever grateful.
The support I have received along this journey from my husband has made all of this so easy. He embraced all the new foods that appeared on our dinner table and ate them without complaint. He, too, loved watching our kids get well and was the strength and support that I leaned on when I was lost or confused about what to do. He supported wholeheartedly our decision for me to be home and worked long hours to make it all possible. Our marriage is a blessing we both treasure, and together, we looked for creative answers when we hit yet another road block and spent many hours searching for the next path to try. Our commitment to each other and to our family has been the thread that kept us going through it all.
The infection that created my challenge occurred 23 years ago. The baby I was nursing is now 24. Our children are bright, athletic, and amazingly healthy. The change in their diet that I made 25 years ago has been worth every minute of extra baking and creative meal planning. I know without a doubt that their health challenges would have continued to worsen and many of the amazing opportunities they have had would not have been possible. I am grateful every day for God’s intervention and care as he placed that glowing book on the bookshelf that afternoon in Toronto. It has been my pleasure and privilege for 25 years to share the story of our children and to encourage other parents to take the risk and try it. The gifts that are possible for their children might just be beyond their wildest expectations.
As I write this story today and put it down on a page, I have a purpose in doing so. The issue of food sensitivities is a common one and there are thousands of children and adults whose health is impacted every day. As a nurse and certified professional life coach, I now offer my support and encouragement to others as they attempt to overcome the hurdles I once faced. Whether their adversity is related to diet or whether it occurs because of other challenges in their life, it is my privilege to help them reconnect to their own resilience and strength. It is my privilege to support them to find their dreams and to believe anything is possible. My business card reads, Hope is the Anchor of the Soul, and I believe this to be true.
One of the best ways to heal a long and difficult story is to find meaning in it. I have found meaning in my struggles by offering my experiences to others with the goal that they will find hope for their story. It is clear to me that God has been walking along beside me through this entire journey. He has offered me books, amazing people, opportunities, and more just when I needed it. Some days I wish I had found it sooner and some days I certainly wish I had more healing for my own health but, most days at least, I am grateful for where I am. As I watch our son and daughter- in-law use what I have learned to maximize the health of our grandsons, I know it has all been worth it. They are bright, fun loving and healthy little boys who are thriving on a gluten free, dairy free, soya free diet. I admire their mom’s courage and perseverance in carefully adjusting her diet during pregnancy and nursing to offer her sons the very best chance at a healthy start in life. Our grandsons eat a wide variety of healthy food and are the picture of health.
The joy I feel as I watch our children and grandchildren thrive is a priceless blessing. They have helped me find much healing in my own story. My gratitude to them, to my husband, and to the countless clients and families I’ve had the privilege of working with is boundless. I’m deeply thankful for their presence my life.
