NURTURING BUOYANCY AS A CAREGIVER

We all know what we "should" do when we find ourselves overwhelmed and overtired in a role where we are asked to care for someone else. Whether we are an overworked mother or a husband caring for a wife with Parkinson's disease, the challenges are similar. Our friends and family happily remind us that we need to care for ourselves and ask for help but we often feel irritated and annoyed with their suggestions. Don't they get it!! I know what I need to do but I just don't have time to do it! I don't know where to start I don't know who to ask! Actually, I don't have anyone to ask!!! And on and on the challenges go.

Here are a few of the most common places where people stumble when caring for someone else. Have a read and see how many of them you have experienced. What if you actually placed yourself high up on your own priority list? What if you really did ask for help when you needed it? What if you took a little time to care for yourself?

I am overwhelmed, overworked, and overtired! I know I need to change something but I can't figure out where to start!

Any type of chronic disease or ongoing challenge impacts every part of your life. Draw a circle, divide it into sections and label each one with the important parts of your life. As you look at each section, decide which one offers the easiest and most helpful small change you could make. Take the bold step and make this change to once again feel in control of your circumstance.

Stressed! Am I stressed? I haven't had time to notice.

Stress shows up in many different ways in our lives. Take time every day to stop and notice exactly how you are feeling. If you have a nagging health complaint, are feeling exhausted all the time, are withdrawing from your life or are angry and impatient most days, you are stressed. Do something concrete to care for yourself NOW rather than wait until things get worse.

Yes, I have lots of unanswered questions and concerns but I am afraid to ask them. They might seem silly and the doctor is really busy.

YOUR questions matter. Keep a paper handy when you can jot down your questions as you think of them and take this page with you when you go to appointments. Speak up for yourself and ask for answers. If you are unable to find answers there, look for other resources that will help.

Self care. I don't have time and, besides, it feels selfish to make time for what I love when there is so much else that is more important.

Self care is not a luxury, it is a necessity. Caregivers have a 50% higher rate of illness than the general population so take time to do the things that fill your soul and offer rest. Decide for yourself what this is and don't be swayed by the well intentioned ideas of others.

Would I like some help? Of course I would! Do I ask for it? No, not really. I will ask for help when I really, really, need it and right now I am "fine".

Please don't wait to ask for help until you are sinking. Create a community of support around yourself and your family now and then don't consider it a sign of weakness to lean on them when you need to.

I keep doing thing for my husband but he doesn't seem to appreciate it. I just can't get it "right" and he often criticizes the things that I do.

We all feel and experience love differently. Notice both for yourself and for your friend or family member with Parkinson's disease which type of help feels most caring. It might be a kind and gentle touch, it might be caring and affirming words, it might be the offering of small gifts, it might be quality time spent together, or it might be simply doing something helpful. The book "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman is a great resource for this topic.

I feel like my wife and I are growing apart. I know we are still husband and wife and love each other but if often feels more like we are patient and caregiver or strangers in the same house.

Make time for intimacy and connection. Build a strong friendship, manage your conflicts when they happen, and honour each other's dreams. Spend time together redesigning the dreams you have and look for ways to make them happen despite the disease.

I take regular breaks to do things on my own but they don't seem to help. The whole time I am away I am thinking about my mom or my baby and worrying about what is going on at home.

Compassion fatigue happens when you care too much for too long. You need to find ways to put down your worry when you take a break rather than simply carry it with you. This might include having someone stay with your family member or friend while you go out in order for you to get a true, restful, break.

Am I making a difference? Hmmmmmm Perhaps I am even though I am not perfect.

Everything you do makes a difference. Give up trying to do it perfectly. Just care and do your best. That is more than enough.

Finding that often elusive balance isn't easy, no matter what our circumstance. Coaching offers something very unique in places where people feel overwhelmed by their life and the demands that it contains. If you are feeling lost in your life and are looking for an empowering way out, give me a call. I am pleased to offer a few hour of sample coaching - an hour that might just help you see your whole story a little differently.

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Amazing Caregiver Video

Caregivers are the silent voice in many families. They often work until they are exhausted to offer the very best they can to the ones they love. Research shows that the incidence of illness is over 50% greater in people who give up a significant amount of their time and energy to care for someone else.

While lovingly caring for those who can't care for themselves is a wonderful gift, the price that is paid is often too steep. If the caregiver forgets to take much needed breaks and doesn't create a life for themselves outside of this role, they often become angry, bitter and so exhausted that they are irritable and impatient. After all, you can only give so long and so much until your heart, your soul, and your energy are depleted.



In my blog there are multiple articles on this topic as I write them for a number of professional newsletters. If you or someone you love is struggling in this role, please take the time to read through them and see if one of them speaks to your own special circumstance.

I was emailed this video this morning that I wanted to share. It is funded by the Christopher Reeves foundation and speaks very eloquently to the challenges faced by all those who care for friends and family but often forget themselves. I encourage you to sit back and take a few minutes to watch it.

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FOOD SENSITIVITIES: IS THIS THE CAUSE OF MY CHILD'S PROBLEM?

Where do I begin to figure out whether or not my child's problems are related to a food allergy or sensitivity? The concept seems overwhelming!! I hear this question a lot and I have great empathy for a mother's uncertainty about where and how to begin. I was there myself 25 years ago with our 4 kids.
The answer, however, is much easier than you think and has the potential to transform the lives of your family. I have developed a unique process for identifying the offending food and for supporting families to do it successfully. The first thing to do is to download the signs and symptoms sheet on food sensitivities from my blog and notice how many of the symptoms relate to your own child. The more symptoms they have or the greater their severity, the greater the chances that food is the culprit.
I am offering a workshop on September 24 that will lead you step by step through the remainder of this process. I use an extensive handout so you can follow along and find the answers to your own individual story. If you have a child that is struggling with their health, their behaviour or their learning, I encourage you to join me. The impact on the future potential of your child might be life changing.

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EVENTS TO CONNECT AND INSPIRE WOMEN

Tuesday, September 15 - "Nutrition Sense" and Friday, September 25 "Doing it in Style" are the next two events for Mom Cafe. Check out their website at http://www.momcafe.net/ for more information and registration. Both events offer a chance for moms to learn, connect, and have fun with other moms longing for the same.

Whether you are overwhelmed at home caring for your kids, have left the business world to stay home but long for some adult connection, or are trying to find more balance for your family but don't know where to begin, Mom Cafe contains support for these challenges and much more.

The women who began this vision state their goal to be simply to "Have a positive impact on women's lives." They offer meetings, seminars, lots of internet tools and creative ways to bring inspiring role models to connect with real women that are living real lives. With today's fast paced life and often more demands on a mother's time than she can find ways to juggle, this organization offers support for women, no matter what their story. It also offers a place for women to share in the journeys of others. The power of being heard and the impact of sharing our wisdom and experience with others has been the secret of mothers for centuries. The chats around the kitchen table and the church mother's groups have now found their next evolution.

Tuesday, September 15 they are hosting an event that they promise will help you learn, shop and nourish yourself, all at the same time. Karla Heinz, a nutritionist from Alberta and author of the book "Picky. Not me mom!" will be the speaker along with wine, food shopping and fun. To learn more and register, click on

Mom Cafe's next September event is called "Doing it in Style" and features Linda Hip, founder, designer and president of Lija and Cathy Thorpe, president of Please Mom. Share the stories of two women who are committed to keeping their family values alive in the business world. Balance is both fashionable and possible!

The Mom Cafe website is a wealth of support, ideas, and resources for women and moms trying to find that often elusive balance.

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LOVING KINDNESS FOR OURSELVES!

Today is my very first posting on my new blog! It is also the beginning of a more unified vision for my business that more closely reflects what I do and what I want to do. A marketing book I read asked the question, "What are you selling" and, after much reflection, I decided what I wanted to sell was HOPE. Not the kind of HOPE that makes us sit around waiting for something better tomorrow but the kind of HOPE that enables us to live well today and keep growing and changing for a more fulfilling tomorrow. I love working with people in all walks of life who challenge themselves to find answers for their struggles yet are looking for ways to be happy today.

I find myself today falling yet again into the "shoulds" of my life. I should post often. I should say something significant. I should, I should.................. Enough!! Today I will listen to the words of Pema Chodron which remind me only to offer myself "loving kindness" instead. I will take myself lightly, celebrate where I have come from and where I have been and smile at these voices of my gremlin. As I offer myself these words of encouragement, I offer them also to you. I hope they will help you remember to smile more often, laugh at yourself, and celebrate who you are. Look honestly at your life rather than hide but offer yourself lots of grace as you go.

"From the very beginning to the very end, pointing to our own hearts to discover what is true isn't just a matter of honesty but also of compassion and respect for what we see."

Pema Chodron
"When Things Fall Apart

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