COLIC AND FOOD SENSITIVITIES

Are you a new mom who is up all night with a screaming baby? Are you so exhausted you are dragging yourself through the day? Is juggling the needs of your busy toddler, a crying baby, meal preparation, laundry, a shower for yourself all feeling completely overwhelming? Have you been to the doctor, asked your mom, your neighbour and scoured the internet for answers?

The answer is easy. If you identify the food in your diet that is bothering both you and your baby you will find peace within a few days. We all know that things like cabbage, chocolate, and beans don't agree with babies and seem to bring on bouts of gas and screaming. In addition to these foods, however, there is another food that needs to be removed. The most common culprit is dairy products - the one thing that the dairy foundation tells you you must have gallons of if you are nursing. If you are nursing, the milk you consume appears in your breast milk and creates a potential problem for you baby.

If your baby is screaming, drawing up his legs, and sleeping for only a few minutes at a time, try removing all of the dairy products from your diet. This includes, cheese, yogurt, and milk, as well as any breads or other foods that contain casein or whey powder. You must read labels to be sure. Doing it only 80% won't be enough to work. If you are bottle feeding, change your formula to a soy based one. Some babies are also bothered by soya, however, so if this happens to you, please go to your doctor and get additional information on non dairy and non soya formulas.

While all babies cry and have fussy times of the day, when the screaming goes on for hours and you are completely exhausted caring for them, you need something practical to try. Removing dairy products might just be your answer.

If you would like more support either identifying the food that is bothering your baby or would like some support as you navigate your new journey of motherhood, please email me and I would be delighted to chat with you. My email is margaret@dynamicchoices.ca.

[ Read More... ]

Marg Evans is a long time supporter of the Parkinson Society of British Columbia. She has been extensively involved with the Society as a member of the Education and Support Services committee for several years; a speaker at educational conferences such as the annual New Diagnosis seminar; and a regular contributor to Viewpoints, our quarterly newsletter.

Marg's compassion and understanding of the challenges that caregivers face every day is invaluable as is her willingness to freely share her extensive knowledge and insights on very complex caregiving issues. We are most grateful for her ongoing support.

Diane Robinson
Chief Executive Officer
Parkinson Society British Columbia.
www.parkinson.bc.ca

[ Read More... ]

WAITING -SOMETIMES EASY, SOMETIMES VERY DIFFICULT!

Today I am in the space of waiting - waiting to welcome a precious new grandchild into the world. Patience isn't my best virtue so this "waiting" has led me on a curious exploration of this topic.
As I reflect on other places of waiting in my life, I can see that sometimes the experience was easy and sometimes hopelessly difficult. In some situations I was able to do my part and then remain relaxed about the outcome and in other places I strived and pushed in order to get what I wanted.

So, I offer here a few thoughts on three different types of waiting and encourage you to ponder the places in your life where you have to wait. What makes waiting easier to bear and what is it that makes the experience so challenging we don't think we'll get through it?

PROCRASTINATED WAITING
This type of waiting happens for all of us when we don't want to step up into our life and take charge of something we know we ought to do. We have the power to influence the outcome of the situation but we back away, instead. We avoid the task and look for any number of distractions and alternatives to keep ourselves busy. Rather than make our life better, procrastinated waiting tends to increase the stress that we feel. It simply hovers in the background of our awareness and becomes a chronic energy drain. Over time, the consequence of our waiting may escalate and we might find ourselves in an increasingly difficult situation. How many times have you put off paying a bill, going to the doctor or raising a difficult topic with a friend only to find that the problem grows bigger and bigger over time? Procrastinated waiting is our way of avoiding an unpleasant task. The motivation to do it isn't big enough for us to push past our fear and do it anyway.

OBLIGATORY WAITING
This type of waiting is forced upon us and is not usually a situation that we would voluntarily choose. It is the challenging places of life where we have to wait for a biopsy result, wait for someone to ask us to marry them, wait to see if we got the new job, or, like me today, wait until a new baby arrives. Because we didn't chose the circumstance, this type of waiting can feel powerless and difficult. There is often very little we can do to influence our circumstance and we are simply left to find some strategies to make the waiting easier. We might talk to a friend, we might go to the gym, we might, like our daughter in law, go for long walks in the hope of encouraging labour. There are strategies we can choose that will minimze the stress of our waiting but the ultimate outcome is rarely within our control.


PEACEFUL WAITING
Peaceful waiting comes after we have done our part in a difficult situation and now can simply remain curious and peaceful until the outcome appears. Unlike procrastinated waiting, peaceful waiting decreases stress and eliminates the worry drain from the background of our mind. It feels empowering and hopeful as we are able to quietly wait to see what is next. To arrive at an experience of peaceful waiting I offer that the most important ingredient is faith in something larger than ourselves. We can only remain quiet and still and put our fear to rest if we are able to rest securely in the idea that there is some other bigger plan at work. If we believe life is simply a crapshoot with no predictable rhymn or reason, often our imagination becomes preoccupied with fearful outcomes. Even if we have been placed in a situation of obligatory waiting, we can do our best to influence the parts that are within our control and then let go of pushing to create the outcome we want. We can simply quietly and peacefully wait.

So, for me, I am waiting along with the rest of my family for the joyful arrival of a new little baby. It is a place of obligatory waiting where none of us have any control at all. Our daughter in law can walk, rest, play with her 2 1/2 year old and wait until this little one decides it is time. Me, on the other hand, I have even less influence over the situation. I can only bake casseroles for a dinner that I am sure will be needed shortly, buy all our grandson's favourite foods so he will be happy when he stays with us, and dream of the little pixie face that will soon be part of our family pictures. The biggest part of my waiting experience now is my faith in God. I trust that He is caring for our son and daughter in law as well as their baby and knows exactly when the time will be right. I can rest quietly and patiently in that knowledge and simply go to bed early in case we get a call in the middle of the night. I remember the experience of waiting for each of our 4 children and the dreams that I had of what they might look like and who they would be. I have discovered that waiting for a grandchild creates the same experience - one of joyful anticipation as we add another member to our growing family. And, the experience of watching our grown son lovingly hold his baby is even better than I could ever have imagined.

PRAY AS IF EVERYTHING DEPENDS ON GOD. ACT AS IF EVERYONE DEPENDS ON YOU.

[ Read More... ]

LIVE YOUR POTENTIAL

Are you living your full potential? Are you supporting your kids to do the same? Do you have a dream or a vision that you are actively pursuing? Are you taking the steps you need to maneuver around the obstacles that are getting in your way so you thrive in your life rather than exist? Are you supporting your kids to do the same?

As we watched our son cross the stage at his graduation last week my husband and I were smiling. This young man is absolutely living in line with his natural gifts and talents. What about you? Are your nurturing your child's potential? Are you helping them to identify their unqiue strengths and gifts or do you often fall into the trap of only pointing out their faults? When life is busy and we are juggling many different obligations and responsibilities, it is easy to become preoccupied with the "doing" of parenthood and forget to take time to listen. We need to listen to our children and take time to really know who they are. We also need to take time to notice the challenges they are facing and the places where a little support might make a world of difference.

If your child has health or behaviour issues that are getting in the way of them doing what they want, look for answers rather than let it slide or make excuses. If your child is struggling at school, get help early rather than wait until their self esteem takes a nose dive. If your family life is like a runaway train with no time to simply hang out together, change it. If you are so busy at work that you barely know your kid's friends or hardly ever get to their soccer games, rethink your decisions. Take an active and proactive role in creating both your own life and the environment that your child grows up in.

You see, before you know it, it will be your child crossing the stage at a graduation and you will wonder where the time has gone. I hope that you, too, will reach that stage and enjoy the proud moment as we did last week of watching an amazing child you have raised step into adulthood. Not just an adulthood that is mediocre but an adulthood that honours exactly who they are and what they want with loads of room to dream of what is possible from here. It makes all those anxious moments of parenthood worth every minute.

[ Read More... ]

NOURISHING HEALTHY HOPE

HOPE is absolutely my favourite word and favourite topic! Where do we find it when we are lost? How can we nourish it in times of adversity? How do we support others to find it? Wendy Schlessel Harpham is a physician, a cancer patient and a healthy survivor of her disease. She has written multiple books related to her cancer journey and has some very inspiring things to say about HOPE.

The topic is on my mind as I spoke over the weekend at the B.C. Parkinson's Society new diagnosis day. As I spoke to both the patients and caregivers that were there it was clear that they were looking for HOPE - hope that their disease could be well controlled - hope that they would have the courage they know it will take to travel the journey - hope that they will have friends and family who will rise in support - and hope that medical science will quickly find an answer to relieve their suffering.

So, whether you have a chronic disease, a child with a health problem where you are searching for answers, or a work or life story that feels overwhelming, it is possible to nourish hope. Read Wendy's list of the types of hope below and then explore ways that you can nourish and cultivate healthy hope both for yourself and for others in your life.

1. Wishful thinking: "A type of hope based on fantasy." It can be temporarily helpful if it helps you distract yourself in the midst of a difficult situation. Dreaming of winning the lottery and relieving your financial struggles might feel helpful for a short while but will not, realistically, provide any real solutions. It can also prevent you from seeking opportunities to find real solutions to your challenges.

2. Blind hope: "A unquestioning belief in someone or something based on unearned trust". This type of hope allows you to believe in anything you want but doesn't offer a connection to anything real or practically helpful.

3. Empty hope: "This is the appearance of hopefulness for the benefit of others." It is pretending to be hopeful so that the people around you believe you are "fine". Unless you can honestly connect to hope and make this experience true for you, it offers only a place of hiding from your true feelings and experience.

4. False hope: "This is hoping for something that can't possibly come true." It drains much needed energy away from finding solutions and answers as you put energy into something that is doomed to fail.

5. Realistic hope: "This is belief in the possible." It is based on facts and realistic ideas so this type of hope is very strong.

6. Faithful hope: "This is belief in something that is beyond your control" Strong faith helps you make sense of the unpredictable and unexplainable things that happen in your life. It does not compete with realistic hope but adds to it. It suggests the phrase, "Pray as if everything depends on God and act as if everything depends on you."

7. Healthy hope: "This is belief that your situation can actually improve." Realistic hope and faithful hope form the foundation of healthy hope. By embracing and nourishing this type of hope in your circumstance and your life, you are better able to find the courage and the strength to keep going. In the midst of the most difficult adversity, looking for places that offer a realistic chance of something positive makes the journey feel less overwhelming.

This information is from Wendy Schlessel Harpham's book called "Happiness in a Storm" It is her story of facing illness and embracing life as a healthy survivor. No matter what type of adversity you are facing, it offers loads of hope and practical wisdom. Check out her website for loads of inspiring articles at www.wendyharpham.com

Take time to nourish both realistic and faithful hope for yourself. Look for the places where you can take a concrete step to improve your situation or connect to stories of others who have overcome similar circumstances. Find a faith that you can lean on in the most difficult moments when nothing seems to make sense and you feel lost. Begin each day by connecting to healthy hope and nourish it as you go.

[ Read More... ]

NURTURING BUOYANCY AS A CAREGIVER

We all know what we "should" do when we find ourselves overwhelmed and overtired in a role where we are asked to care for someone else. Whether we are an overworked mother or a husband caring for a wife with Parkinson's disease, the challenges are similar. Our friends and family happily remind us that we need to care for ourselves and ask for help but we often feel irritated and annoyed with their suggestions. Don't they get it!! I know what I need to do but I just don't have time to do it! I don't know where to start I don't know who to ask! Actually, I don't have anyone to ask!!! And on and on the challenges go.

Here are a few of the most common places where people stumble when caring for someone else. Have a read and see how many of them you have experienced. What if you actually placed yourself high up on your own priority list? What if you really did ask for help when you needed it? What if you took a little time to care for yourself?

I am overwhelmed, overworked, and overtired! I know I need to change something but I can't figure out where to start!

Any type of chronic disease or ongoing challenge impacts every part of your life. Draw a circle, divide it into sections and label each one with the important parts of your life. As you look at each section, decide which one offers the easiest and most helpful small change you could make. Take the bold step and make this change to once again feel in control of your circumstance.

Stressed! Am I stressed? I haven't had time to notice.

Stress shows up in many different ways in our lives. Take time every day to stop and notice exactly how you are feeling. If you have a nagging health complaint, are feeling exhausted all the time, are withdrawing from your life or are angry and impatient most days, you are stressed. Do something concrete to care for yourself NOW rather than wait until things get worse.

Yes, I have lots of unanswered questions and concerns but I am afraid to ask them. They might seem silly and the doctor is really busy.

YOUR questions matter. Keep a paper handy when you can jot down your questions as you think of them and take this page with you when you go to appointments. Speak up for yourself and ask for answers. If you are unable to find answers there, look for other resources that will help.

Self care. I don't have time and, besides, it feels selfish to make time for what I love when there is so much else that is more important.

Self care is not a luxury, it is a necessity. Caregivers have a 50% higher rate of illness than the general population so take time to do the things that fill your soul and offer rest. Decide for yourself what this is and don't be swayed by the well intentioned ideas of others.

Would I like some help? Of course I would! Do I ask for it? No, not really. I will ask for help when I really, really, need it and right now I am "fine".

Please don't wait to ask for help until you are sinking. Create a community of support around yourself and your family now and then don't consider it a sign of weakness to lean on them when you need to.

I keep doing thing for my husband but he doesn't seem to appreciate it. I just can't get it "right" and he often criticizes the things that I do.

We all feel and experience love differently. Notice both for yourself and for your friend or family member with Parkinson's disease which type of help feels most caring. It might be a kind and gentle touch, it might be caring and affirming words, it might be the offering of small gifts, it might be quality time spent together, or it might be simply doing something helpful. The book "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman is a great resource for this topic.

I feel like my wife and I are growing apart. I know we are still husband and wife and love each other but if often feels more like we are patient and caregiver or strangers in the same house.

Make time for intimacy and connection. Build a strong friendship, manage your conflicts when they happen, and honour each other's dreams. Spend time together redesigning the dreams you have and look for ways to make them happen despite the disease.

I take regular breaks to do things on my own but they don't seem to help. The whole time I am away I am thinking about my mom or my baby and worrying about what is going on at home.

Compassion fatigue happens when you care too much for too long. You need to find ways to put down your worry when you take a break rather than simply carry it with you. This might include having someone stay with your family member or friend while you go out in order for you to get a true, restful, break.

Am I making a difference? Hmmmmmm Perhaps I am even though I am not perfect.

Everything you do makes a difference. Give up trying to do it perfectly. Just care and do your best. That is more than enough.

Finding that often elusive balance isn't easy, no matter what our circumstance. Coaching offers something very unique in places where people feel overwhelmed by their life and the demands that it contains. If you are feeling lost in your life and are looking for an empowering way out, give me a call. I am pleased to offer a few hour of sample coaching - an hour that might just help you see your whole story a little differently.

[ Read More... ]

Amazing Caregiver Video

Caregivers are the silent voice in many families. They often work until they are exhausted to offer the very best they can to the ones they love. Research shows that the incidence of illness is over 50% greater in people who give up a significant amount of their time and energy to care for someone else.

While lovingly caring for those who can't care for themselves is a wonderful gift, the price that is paid is often too steep. If the caregiver forgets to take much needed breaks and doesn't create a life for themselves outside of this role, they often become angry, bitter and so exhausted that they are irritable and impatient. After all, you can only give so long and so much until your heart, your soul, and your energy are depleted.



In my blog there are multiple articles on this topic as I write them for a number of professional newsletters. If you or someone you love is struggling in this role, please take the time to read through them and see if one of them speaks to your own special circumstance.

I was emailed this video this morning that I wanted to share. It is funded by the Christopher Reeves foundation and speaks very eloquently to the challenges faced by all those who care for friends and family but often forget themselves. I encourage you to sit back and take a few minutes to watch it.

[ Read More... ]