CAN YOU BE ALONE?

Love this video:
-->http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs
How comfortable are you being alone? No distractions, no conversations, nothing to do and nowhere to go? Are you overwhelmed with thoughts of your "to do" list or are you simply antsy to get on with something - anything, to relieve those anxious feelings that are beginning to surface?

One of the places of growth for me in the last year has been to learn to sit quietly with myself and with God. I have been to two silent retreats which, if you know me well, is a BIG stretch. I love to chat, have meaningful and deep conversations and spend time with the important people in my life. I am learning that silence allows me to access a deep inner wisdom that I had often lost touch with. I love the phrase in the book by Thomas Keating that says, "Contemplative prayer undoes the strings of the sludge of the unconscious". Healing can be found in silence and contemplation.

In the beginning my mind raced everywhere and reminded me constantly of all the things I needed "to do" in my life. Now, however, I am able to relish the quiet ritual of contemplation in my day and I notice my day simply feels calmer and lighter when I begin and end it in silence. Thoughts of all kinds appear and, if I don't grab onto them but allow them to quietly slip past my awareness, I am finding that many of the challenges of my life are getting easier.

What about you? Do you ever allow yourself time to step out of the busy pace of your life and enjoy the experience of doing nothing? Do you walk in nature, sit in the sun, or simply sit quietly in your bed for a few nourishing minutes? It often seems that when life is the most stressful is when we forget to simply sit, rest, take a few breaths and listen for the wise internal voice that we all possess. I hope this serves as a reminder to stop often in your day and notice how you are really doing. Take some time to get comfortable being alone and you might be surprised what you might learn about yourself. Perhaps, like me, you will even find healing of some of those old stories from your past and a renewed sense of peace in your life.

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NO! SLOW! GROW! GO!!

Are you, like me, often waiting for answers to those puzzling questions of life; the answers you are sure will make your life easier and help you find the clarity you are looking for? Why is it that some people seem to get all that things they pray for while others seem to face only increasing adversity? How come life very often doesn't seem fair?

I watched the Hour of Power this morning on TV and Dr. Robert Schuller gave a sermon that I loved. The topic was one he gave over 40 years ago and he said it has been one of the most helpful and significant sermons he has ever given both for himself and for those who heard it. The topic addresses the places in life where we are looking for direction but can't quite find our way. He focuses on the assurance that God is in every story, even when we don't like His answers. So, whether you believe God is the designer of your life or whether you believe that life unfolds some other way, consider his ideas and see how they might relate to you.

Sometimes God and life answers a firm and clear NO to your request.

Sometimes things simply don't work out because, in the big picture of your life, they aren't in your best interest. God often has a bigger plan that you can't see and your request simply isn't in line with where He wants you to go. It isn't about God not wanting to give you want you want but that He actually has something even better in mind for you. He needs to say NO to your request so he can say YES to what you need.

Sometimes God and life answers "SLOW" and encourages you to wait much longer than you would choose.

When things you want to happen seem to be delayed, stalled, or hitting multiple road blocks, it often means that God needs a few more things to happen in the sequence of events before your request will be granted. It isn't that you won't finally find your dream but that you simply have to learn to wait. Waiting is a skill to be cultivated and one that this difficult for most of us!

Sometimes God and life answers "GROW" and calls you to stretch and experience more things in your life before your dream will be granted.

It might be that you need to learn more lessons, change your attitude, take care of some other pressing issues first or gain some other valuable experiences before your dream will appear. God's time is not our time so sometimes we have to simply look for places to expand who we are and trust that all in good time our dream will arrive.


And sometimes God happily shouts, "GO"!

Our time has arrived, the pieces we need have been collected, we have grown to a place where we can handle what He is asking and everything seems to magically fall into place.

As I reflect on these 4 words, I can see places in my life where I am at each of these stages. In my work, I am gratefully aware that God has said "GO". I have spent a lifetime gathering all the experience and the wisdom I need to write a book on Food Sensitivities and children. I am privileged to work with many amazing people who share the joys and challenges of their lives. I know God is saying GO because I love every minute of it. The work is challenging and I love that. The people all bring unique stories and issues and I love that, too. I would do what I am doing for free just for the pure joy of it.

However, in other places of my life things aren't quite as easy. My health story seems to have embraced all of the answers of NO, SLOW, and GROW. No, God has not healed me. How frustrating is that. I prayed that he would and he didn't. The process of getting better has been painfully slow. It was 27 years ago that I first got sick! The answers have come in bits and pieces but I certainly could have used them many years before now! And, this journey has resulted in more growth than I ever could have imagined. I have experienced every emotion in the book over and over and it has forced many relationships in my life to grow, as well. I can see the growth when I look back but it has been a difficult journey.

How do I make sense of it all? Most of the time it is easy. As I now embrace God's GO in my business, I can see how even that journey has had its places where He said NO, SLOW, and GROW. He said NO, don't go to graduate school. You don't need it and it isn't part of my plan. He said NO, you can't have your mother alive to be at your side to help you navigate your way. He said NO, I won't give you perfect health to make it easy. All the NO's were difficult but now I can see the power of them.

God also said SLOW in many places. I tried to go back to school, to do a little work, to carve out more space for myself, to find ways to improve my health and energy and each time an obstacle appeared in my way that slowed me down. However, each of these NO's and SLOW'S caused me to grow. As I grew I learned more about myself, about the topic of food sensitivities, about life, about people, about business and slowly gathered all the bits and pieces I would need for success. Then God offered me a few special people and some wonderful circumstances and my dream took flight. God finally said GO!

Because of this story in my life, I am able to embrace that God is there through all the stories. I can trust that the NO's, the SLOW'S and the GROWS of today will be the stepping stones of the GO's of tomorrow. My challenge is now to live every day in the faith of all of this. When I get a NO that I don't like or an invitation to GROW that I would rather not have, it is difficult sometimes to remember the bigger picture. I am hoping God will help me GROW here, too!

So, what about you? Where is God saying NO, SLOW, GROW and GO in your life? Are you listening and having faith the the invitation to GO will eventually come or are you sitting in the ditch of despair? Are you able to celebrate the places in your life where God is asking you to GO and find the courage and conviction to take bold steps? Are you accepting responsibility to GROW in who you are rather than blame others for the challenges you are facing? Are you able to find the patience to go SLOW and wait when all you want to do is leap ahead and get what you want right now? And, what do you do with God's flat out NO'S? What do you do when you simply can't get what you want, no matter how hard to try? Can you embrace the idea that perhaps God has a bigger plan for you and shift your focus to listen for that?

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IT IS NOT THE SIZE OF THE LOSS BUT THE SIZE OF THE SORROW

As I was doing a little research for my previous post I came across this on Dr. Robert Fulghum's website!! I love it!!! It speaks to the human side of sadness and sorrow in a way that I have never heard!! I have pasted it below and give him full credit for the amazing story he has written. If you want to read more of these, check out his website at www.robertfulghum.com

FROM THE OFFICIAL WEBSITE OF DR. ROBERT FULGHUM. CHECK OUT www.robertfulghum.com 

January 21, 2010

Seattle, Washington - January 20, 2010

IT’S NOT THE SIZE OF THE LOSS,
BUT THE SIZE OF THE SORROW.

Last Saturday - out for an early morning walk.
Heavy fog - a chilly, drippy start to a January day.
Nobody else seemed to be out and about.
So quiet . . .
Until I’m a block from the nearby park.

From somewhere close by I heard the sound of a small child crying.
But the fog was so thick I couldn’t see far enough to locate the child.
The Good Samaritan Alert goes on in my mind.
Trouble? Lost? Injured? What?

Hurrying along I found, standing on a corner, these three:
A mother, a child, and a dog.
The mother was weeping.
The child was crying.
And the dog looked so forlorn it would have been in tears - if dogs did that.

All three were in basic Seattle cold-wet-weather gear, including the dog - a yellow Labrador, wearing a yellow rain slicker over most of him.

The child was bundled up and packed down inside a high-tech baby carriage that could be used as a Mars Rover if it had a motor.
All I could see of the child’s face were its eyes, awash with tears.

As I appeared out of the fog the child was the first to speak:
“Have you seen my . . . ?”
The word was lost in a sob.
“Seen what?” I asked, thinking puppy, kitty, doll, teddy bear, father?

Blankie turns out to be the operative word.
And the child is a little girl named Nelly, about four years old.

It took awhile, but between the tearful mother and Nelly, I got this story:

Once upon a time . . . Nelly’s grandmother made a blanket just for her.
Nelly became deeply attached to the blanket, as children will.
In time, the blanket became little more than a deteriorating rag.
Last summer the dog and Nelly had a tug-of-war with the blanket.
The big dog tore off a big chunk of the blanket.
The mother did not repair the blanket, thinking it was history.
Alas, Nelly remained fully committed to both parts of the blanket.

This morning the mother has been out jogging with the Nelly-in-the-bucket.
Somewhere along the way the lesser part of the blanket went overboard.
And now, despite retracing the route three times, it cannot be found.

The mother choked up again.
Nelly lapsed into sobs again.
And the dog lay down with its face in its paws.
All three were wet, cold, and approaching hysteria or hypothermia or both.

“What does the blankie look like?” I asked
“Like that . . .” said the mother, pointing at Nelly’s wrapping.

Around Nelly’s neck and head was entwined what might be the desiccated remains of a dead python.
Lumpy, fuzzy, brown and green and red, with yellow stripes here and there.
A raggedy remnant of what once was the blanket.
A blanket now in such grim shape that you might find it in the reject dumpster out behind a recycling center.

“My blankie,“ moaned Nelly, tightly clutching the dead python.

This could be funny.
And maybe . . . someday . . . it will be.
But not now.
Not to Nelly.
Or the mother.
Not even to the dog.

As the world rates catastrophes, the missing partial blankie is small stuff.
But to Nelly . . . a major loss.

I was struck by the serious dignity of her grief.
No wailing or screaming or fit-pitching.
Just sad-eyed sorrow.
“I need my blankie. . .”

What could I say or do?

Should I explain to Nelly that the Buddha said that the attachment to things is the source of sorrow? Be not attached.

Should I say to Nelly that her situation is the glass-half-full, glass half-empty
attitude problem? Be glad you still have most of the blanket.

Should I tell Nelly that life isn’t fair and that losing a partial blankie is training for future losses in life?

Shall I elaborate about hurricanes, earthquakes, fire, thieves, and the loss of a limb or sight or parents? Could be worse.

Or maybe explain to her about the losses involved in love and friendship, when what is lost is never found again?

No. Nelly is four.
Sooner or later she’ll find out on her own, like the rest of us.

Nelly’s sorrow is still real to Nelly.
And grief is to be attended to, not judged or analyzed or dismissed.
This was not the time for the Good Samaritan to offer a sympathetic discourse to mother or child or dog on the existential realities of the human condition.
Dispassionate explanations will not help.

So I knelt down beside Nelly and said,
“I’m so sorry.
I understand.
I had this happen to me once.
It made me cry, too.
I’ll look for it.
And if I find it, I’ll make sure you get it back.”

(And to my complete surprise, when I said that, tears came to my own eyes.
I’m not sure just why.
Perhaps I was thinking of the times in my life when I wish someone had said that to me when I was grieving over a loss of my own.
Lost Blankies come in many sizes and shapes and forms.)

What I said seemed to help. Not much. But some.
Enough to set the threesome in motion again on their quest.

Blocks away I found the missing semi-blankie.
Or thought I did. Several times.
In the half light of a foggy morning, many heaps of mossy trash lodged under bushes resembled partial pythons.

The false sightings reflected my hope that I could and would find Nelly’s blankie, and be the one who returned it.

But I did not and was not.

So what’s this all about?
I’ve been asking myself that for the last few days.

My frustration in this small matter mirrors, I think, a deeper universal human wish that any one of us could make things better for all those in pain wherever, whenever, no matter how small the loss or large the sorrow.

FROM THE OFFICIAL WEBSITE OF DR. ROBERT FULGHUM. CHECK OUT www.robertfulghum.com

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ANGER - A BLOCK TO FORGIVENESS

What do you do to manage your anger when you can feel it rising in your body? Do you lash out at what you believe is the cause or do you suck it up and say nothing? How does your anger get in the way of your ability to offer forgiveness to the people in your life? At my retreat over the weekend I learned many things and one of them was about the process of anger.

In his book "The Process of Forgiveness", William Meninger describers anger as a "defense mechanism which, when uncontrolled, takes on an animal-like aspect. Its purpose is to forcefully intimidate another into doing something we want. Rarely is it compatible with forgiveness or love." He suggests that all of our anger is related to frustation of one of three different human desires: the desire for security, the desire for control or the desire for approval. I found it interesting to think back on the many places in my life where I have become angry to see if what he suggests is true. I concluded that each of my incidents did, in fact, reflect one of these unmet desires.

Mr. Meninger makes an important distinction between actual control, security and approval and the desire for them "To deal with our desire is always within our power. It is the desire, not the control itself, that is responsible for anger. " For example, if your child wants to borrow your car and gets very pushy and demanding in his requests, your natural reaction is to push back and refuse to give in to his demands. Your "desire to control" is turned on and anger is the result. Once you are aware that this is what is happening, you can simply take a deep breath or two and notice what you are feeling. If you take a minute to calm yourself, notice the feelings you are experiencing in your body, and then quietly say to yourself, " I let go of my desire for control" you will find the feelings dissipating. Once you are calmer and more centered, you are better able to think rationally about a plan of action and respond in a calmer and more loving manner. Notice you never gave up your actual control in the circumstance. You only stopped the natural human instinct of wanting to step up and control something with a quick, knee jerk reaction. After a minute or two hesitation and a chance to regroup, you can better figure out how to actually control the situation from a more loving place.

I found this distinction between the desire for something and the actual doing of it interesting. I can see how it is my animal instinctual desire for something that kicks in before my rational mind has time to think clearly. I have been practicing this over the last couple of days and have noticed a big difference in the energy I feel when frustrated with a circumstance. Give it try and see how it works for you. Take a minute or two to notice whether it is your desire for control, for security or for acceptance that is driving the energy of your anger. After a few deep breaths, repeat the words in your head a few times, "I let go of my desire to control" and notice if the anger begins to slip away. Once you are calmer, then decide the appropriate course of action. I am sure the plan of action you arrive at will be much better than the one born out of anger.

It is almost impossible to forgive someone when you are harbouring a huge amount of anger toward them. Perhaps if we all are better at managing our anger in the moments when it appears, the feeling won't escalate over time and we will be quicker to forgive the people in our life.

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