YOU ARE PERFECT!!!! TAKE OFF YOUR MASK AND BE YOURSELF

What masks are you wearing to hide who you really are? Where in your life are you able to take this mask off and be your honest and vulnerable self? What gifts in life are you missing by believing you need to hide your authentic self and pretend to be something different.

This short dialogue expresses the sadness we all feel when we lose the sense of safety and freedom to be who we really are. It speaks to the human need to be heard by safe people who care. Perhaps as you read it it will remind you of the places you are hiding and the qualities of yourself that are begging to be celebrated rather than dismissed.

The picture in this posting says it all: YOU'RE PERFECT. You are perfect just as you are. Perfect in your weakness and your strength; in your places of knowing and places of not knowing; in your places of joy and places of despair; in your places of success and your places of failure. Being "grown up" does not imply a need to get it right all the time or never need to ask for help. It is simply about listening to your heart and trusting that you are enough, just as you are. If I forget this notion, I need only to watch our little grandsons dance, sing, be angry, be joyful, ask for help, not ask for help and everything else throughout their day. They live in the moment and have no masks to cover up the amazing little boys that they are!!!

The Masks I Wear

Don't be fooled by me. Don't be fooled by the face I wear.
For I wear a mask. I wear a thousand masks; masks I am
afraid to take off but none of them are me.
Pretending is an art that is second nature to me but don't be fooled.
For God's sake, don't be fooled.

I give you the impression that I am secure and that all is
sunny and unruffled with me, within as well as without.
That confidence is my name and coolness is my game.
That the water's calm and I am in command.
And that I need no one. Don't believe me. Please!

My surface may be smooth but my surface is my mask,
My ever varying and ever concealing mask.
Beneath lies no smugness and no complacence.
Beneath lies the real me in confusion, in fear, in aloneness
But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it.

I panic at the thought of my weakness and fear exposing them.
That is why I frantically create my mask to hide behind.
They're nonchalant, sophisticated facades to help me pretend,
To shield me from the glance that knows.
But such a place is my salvation. My only salvation, and I know it.

That is if it is followed by acceptance and if it is followed by love.
It is the only thing that liberates me from myself
And my own, self built, prison walls.
I dislike hiding, honestly,
I dislike the superficial game I am playing
The superficial, phony game.
I'd really like to be genuine and me.
But I need your help.
I need your hand to hold,
Even though my masks would tell you otherwise.
That glance from you is the only thing that assures me
Of what I can't assure myself.
That I am really worth something.

But I don't dare tell you this. I don't dare.
I'm afraid to. I'm afraid you will think less of me.
That you would laugh and your laugh would kill me.
I'm afraid that deep down I am nothing.
That I'm just not good and you will see this and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate and pretending game,
With a facade of assurace without and a trembling child within.
So begins the parade of masks, the glittering but empty
Parade of masks and my life becomes a front.
I idly chatter to you in sauve tones of surface talk
I tell you everything that is nothing and
Nothing of what's everything, of what's crying within me.

So when I am going through my routine,
Don't be fooled by what I am saying.
Please listen carefully and hear what I'm not saying.
Hear what I would like to say but what I cannot say.

It will not be easy for you as long felt inadequacies
Make my defenses strong.
The nearer you approach me, the blinder I may strike back.
Despite what books say of people, I am irrational;
I fight against the very thing I cry out for.

You wonder who I am? You shouldn't for I am
Every man and every woman you meet.
Don't be fooled by me
Or at least by the mask I wear.

Author unkown.

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THE GIFTS OF IMPERFECTION

"Owning our story and loving ourselves through it is the bravest thing we will ever do." Brene Brown in The Gifts of Imperfection

Brene Brown's book entitled "The Gifts Of Imperfection" is a wonderful reminder to "Let go of who you think you're supposed to be and embrace who you are. The book is full of human stories of people struggling to allow their world to see them as they are rather than who they are pretending to be. In her years of research on shame, she came across a population of people who were able to successfully embrace imperfection and vulnerability. They were able to show up most days in their life with a strong sense of who they are and a willingness to give life an honest shot without being obsessively attached to the outcome. They lived life to the fullest and were able to embrace the outcomes, whatever they were. They were masters of what Brene calls "Wholehearted Living".

She lists 10 guideposts that she believes make wholehearted living easier to do. They aren't a "to do" list but simply a life's work, the work of the soul. Read the list below and imagine what each of them means to you. " However afraid we are of change, the question we must ultimately answer is: What's the greater risk? Letting go of what people think or letting go of what I feel, what I believe, and who I am. ......Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It is about cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wakeup in the morning and think, "No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough."

The ten guideposts she offers are:
1. Cultivating Authenticity: Letting Go of What People Think

2. Cultivating Self Compassion: Letting Go of Perfectionism

3. Cultivating a Resilient Spirit: Letting Go of Numbing and Powerlessness

4. Cultivating Gratitude and Joy: Letting Go of Scarcity and Fear of the Dark

5. Cultivating Intuition and Trusting Faith: Letting Go of the Need for Certainty

6. Cultivating Creativity: Letting go of Comparisoin

7. Cultivating Play and Rest: Letting Go of Exhaustion as a Status Symbol and Productivity as Self Worth.

8. Cultivating Calm and Stillness: Letting Go of Anxiety as a Lifestyle

9. Cultivating Meaningful Work: Letting Go of Self Doubt and "Supposed to"

10. Cultivating Laughter, Song, and Dance: Letting Go of Being Cool and "Always in Control"

If you would like to learn more, check out Brene Brown's website at www.ordinarycourage.com and watch her many short videos on You Tube on imperfection, shame, and compassion.

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ORDINARY COURAGE - THE COURAGE TO SPEAK OPENLY AND HONESTLY ABOUT WHO WE ARE

Ordinary Courage - a great phrase and one that is used often by Brene Brown. How would you define ordinary courage? If you had it, how would it impact your life?

Brene Brown defines ordinary courage as the willingness to speak honestly and openly about who we are. It is allowing yourself to be vulnerable and open about both your successes and your failures. She has been doing research for years on the topic of shame and how practicing ordinary courage is one of the antidotes to allowing shame to minimze who we are.

Shame is believing there is something inherintely wrong or deficient about us. This is different from guilt which is what we feel when we do something that is inconsistent with who we want to be. Guilt can motivate us to change our behaviour whereas shame results in us hiding who we are for fear of the judgement of others. In her book " I Thought It Was Just Me (but it wasn't)", Brene talks about how to increase our resilience to shame. Shame is a universal experience and one that can bring great pain to our lives if we allow it to fester and take root in our heart and our soul.

The biggest antidote to shame is empathy. Empathy is the quality we look for in our friends and family that allows us to feel heard. Brene Brown offers these four qualities as the ones well developed in people who successfully offer empathy to the people in their life. Take a few minutes and notice who in your life offers this experience of safety for you.

Empathetic people:
1. Are able to see the world as others see it. They are able to let go of their own beliefs, perspectives, and judgements long enough to be open and curious about the other person's feelings and point of view.

2. Are nonjudgmental about the stories and experiences of others. They listen with their heart and make every effort to be open to what is being shared with them without criticism or passing judgment.

3. Are able to understand another person's feelings. They are able to hear what is being said and also what is unspoken and conveyed by body language. They are able to reflect back to the other person the emotions they are noticing to check in to see if they are correct. They do not need to fix the problem or offer solutions but are able to simply honour the other person's experience.

4. Communicate their understanding to the other person. They actively listen to the other person and give them their full attention. They may share a short personal experience that is similar in order to convey that they truly understand. Even if they have no personal experience with the issue being presented, they are still able to offer a listening ear, a kind and accepting heart, and a willingness to offer their time and their support. As Wendy Harphum writes, they respond by saying "I hear you and I am here".

Only when we are offered warm, accepting empathy from people who are willing to invest in our relationship, can be find ways to navigate through our feelings of shame. It is by cultivating safe and nourishing relationships where we can be vulnerable and open about our feelings and experiences that we can reconnect to the ordinary courage that we have. We are then able to safely share who we are, what we want, and celebrate both our successes and failures as simply being part of the journey of being human. We are loved and accepted for who we are and no longer need to pretend to be something else in order to be loved, accepted, and heard.

To read more about ordinary courage, check out Brene Brown's website at http://www.ordinarycourage.com/ She also has a number of wonderful short talks on shame, vulnerabilty, ordinary courage and other topics on You tube and also on Ted Talks.

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HOW DO YOU BREAK A BAD HABIT - JUST STOP IT!!

This video link I have included here is absolutely hilarious and so true that it makes all the times I have struggled with change seem ridiculous. I am involved in a business program that addresses the power of our intentions. What we intend to do is what we do. We usually try to convince ourselves that we are "intending" to do something else but, if you want to know what you really want, notice what you are doing. Sound simple. It actually is.

If you want to change what you are doing, change the power of your intention. If you want to change your child's diet successfully, you must be highly motivated to do it and then put the structures in place to support your decision. Figure out why you want to do it then increase your motivation so it is 10 times greater so that you can't wait to tackle the problem. You then must design a fail safe plan to make it work. Take time to ensure that this plan has included steps for unexpected emergencies and even a plan for when you want to bail on your plan.

Rather than view change with such a serious energy, try lightening up on the topic. Focus on what you really want and then design the most exciting and fun based way to get it. If you are stuck, ask your kids. They are masters of fun and don't even have to think about it.

Watch this video which has had thousands of hits on YouTube. Clearly, I am not the only person who stumbles with change when I really just need to "STOP IT!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LhQGzeiYS_Q

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CHRISTMAS: THE SEASON OF WAITING

The snow that was falling over the last few days was a reminder that Christmas is on the way. As our little grandsons returned from a holiday in the sun with anticipation of playing in the snow the next morning, their waiting was disappointed as it was all gone when they woke up.

For me, Christmas is a season of waiting but a reminder, as well, to enjoy the little moments. In the Christian tradition, tomorrow is the beginning of Advent which is the time of excitement and anticipation of the birth of Jesus. For many little children it is the anticipation Christmas morning and belief that Santa will slide down their chimney and leave something special for them. For many others, the waiting is simply for the holiday to be over. Their loneliness, sense of isolation or inability to provide even a small gift for their child because of their difficult financial circumstances makes the season one of sadness rather than joy.

Other people have lost loved ones this past year and will be struggling through their grief as they find a way to cope with the empty chair that now sits around their Christmas dinner table. They, too, often long for the season to be over.

Waiting can be a difficult thing to do. We hope for something wonderful yet sometimes are disappointed. For me, this is the reason for faith. It is faith that helps me trust that something new and wonderful can come from even the most challenging circumstances. It is faith that allows me to trust that even though there are many things I can't understand in the moment, there will be brighter days ahead. It is faith that life is unfolding as it should that allows me to embrace the joyful moments in my life rather than always be in a state of waiting for something different than what I have.

As I wait for Christmas, wait for the shopping to be done, wait for our son to return from overseas to join our Christmas table, wait to see whether a publisher will agree to take on my book, and wait for the safe arrival of our next little grandchild, I am committed to being thankful for the moments I have. My faith seems to have grown stronger as I have aged and it seems a little easier to trust that my life has purpose and that it is only my job to listen. I don't have to wait for the big things in life to arrive but can find the hope, peace, joy and love of Christmas in the every day moments of the year.

As I was searching the internet for another topic I came across this most beautiful advent video. It is one of the most beautiful videos for Christmas that I have ever seen so I share the link for you to enjoy, as well. May the waiting in your life be peaceful and may you always find the faith and trust you need to know that there will always be something wonderful on the other side.

The link for the video is below. The website for the other beautiful videos prepared by this woman is http://msainfo.org


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HwPI1U5bNI0

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AN AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL WEBSITE TO ENJOY!

This website is the most beautiful and inspiring one I have ever seen! The link to one of Andie's movies was sent to me this morning and it led me to explore where it came from. The movies on this website offer inspiring messages of faith on a multitude of topics. Whether it is a movie for a precious, forever friend or one to help you cope with the sadness of death, there are many to enjoy. When you need to be uplifted, encouraged, or are looking for a way to share your gratitude with someone you love, take time to scroll through this website - you might just find the perfect one. Enjoy! The link is www.andiesisle.com

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WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE?

Take a few minutes to watch this lovely video. What do you believe about the beauty of this planet? What do you teach your children? Do you take time in your day to enjoy the wonders around you or are you rushing so fast you barely notice. Today is Remembrance Day and there are so many people who are not here to enjoy the beauty this world has to offer so take a few minutes to remember them and their families and to enjoy the gift of life that you have.

The link is http://www.andiesisle.com/creation/magnificent.html

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